When i was about nine i would look at my little and big sister like they were amazing.For some reason i felt like i was suppossed to be like them in some way,but i didnt know how.I looked up to them ;and on every christmas we had i would get toy guns and trucks,but when i see my sisters dresses and play make up i would get jelous.I would sneek and go play with rheir toys instead of mine.So when i got in the 3rd grade about a month into school starting this boy named richard caught my eye ,he was my first crush ever. I would stare at him whilee doing my work so finally we became freinds and i would pretend he was my boyfreind.i pretended because i felt something wrong about it.
So one day i was at gym and o one was in the locker room but me.I started pretending richard was their.He told me he loved me then i told him "i love you too richard",i heard some one go "eww".I was so embarrassed he ran out and told him what i said and i ran to the restroom crying.Until the next three years i avoided richard and I never saw him after elementary school.I thought about what had happened that day to myself,thinki g and wondering is it true?,is it really true?.Am I Gay?
And i realized if i had to ask myself that i must be,and if i thought boys were attractive instead of girls i must be,i couldnt believe what i was saying to myself.I just thought it was me just fooling myself until summer.Me and my family went swimming alot in the summer,one time at the pool this boy was messing with me and pushing my head down and splashing me with the water.The life gaurd told them to stop but they wouldnt so he jumped in and pulled them off of me. When he got me out of the water he looked amazing to me he was browned skinned with hazel eyes and curly hair,abs and all (girl yass).The only thing i didnt want to do was leave from were he was.It was weird for me because a month ago i was telling myself im straight this is just a phase but its happening again i couldnt believe it.I never got in the water again even though he mentioned it the whole time i talked to him, and i talked to him untol my parents said it was time to go.
The whole while we drove home the only thing i could think about was im gay,im gay,should i tell kelly(my older sister).once home i thought it was abetter idea not to tell anyone;i didnt know how my parents were going to react or if i told my sister who she was going to tell so i kept it to myself.And the one thing on my mind when i went to bed was how hard it was going to be to keep it to myself and i cried the whole noght just thinking about it.
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The pain i had to go through
De TodoA boy has a hard time keeping in the secret that he is cant keep to his self but ends up not caring who knows once it ends up getting out.
