unidentified | billie eilish fanfiction

FOURTY - EIGHT: lie to me

billie

"oh no." claudia frowned, "what happened?" she pulled me into her imbrace. i couldn't get a word out, everything felt so heavy and everything hurts, i can't get my breath straitened. it hurts so much so much.

"v— vvv." i couldn't even get her name out.

"did you and violet have a fight?" she asked, i continued crying. not responding to her question. "did you break up?" she upped her pitch as she asked, getting worried.

"yeah." i cried even more and burried my face in her chest. i don't think i'm even able to tell her the reason we broke up, i can't even after she lied to me. i have to protect her.

finneas just coincidentally walked by and claudia quickly instructed him to keep tt out of the way, so she can lead me to the guest room where i fell apart once again. i still couldn't get a word out, claudia just held me tight and whispered sweet things to me.

after a while, my breathing steadied, all my power burnt out. only hot tears were escaping my eyes and flooding claud's shirt. "do you want some chocolate? ice cream? anything?" she softly asked. i tired to shake my head no, i think i got a little movement but that's it. she understood though, because she just held me tighter. i closed my eyes and went to sleep.

☆☆☆

"can you please put something in your mouth? literally anything, please." claudia begged me. i only shook my head, i can't even move my body, not even my gaw.

"i took tt to my parents'" finneas explained as he walked in the room. "you didn't eat anything?" she asked and looked my way.

"she's not even speaking." claudia sighed.

"billie, you have to put something in your mouth." fin sat on the bed. i used all the force to kick him in the thigh and proceeded to lay on my side away from the both of them.

"what the fuck?" i could feel him standing up with a betrayed look on his face.

"she just wants to be on her own, come on." claudia said and they both exited the room.

i i've always wondered what's the difference between a breakup and a spouse dying when there is absolutely no contact between the both of them. i like to think that if someone dies on bad terms with the living, the one that's lives would always regret it. i don't see how that's any different than a breakup that ends in bad terms, the only difference is that you can try and change things and end on somewhat good terms.

i don't know if i can do that, it sounds too hard. ending on bad terms is a choice and i choose not to talk to her ever again.

then without any warning i was wailing, i couldn't catch my breath. i was drowning in pure air. i felt like i was dying, the life was slowly getting sucked out of me.

i've seen her naked before, i've seen her cry before, i've heard her open up to me but i've never seen her as vulnerable as i did the other day. she told me everything, everything and then when i wanted to leave she got on her knees. she begged me not to leave, she balled her eyes out begging me not to leave.

claudia came running back to the room and held me as i cried. "i... i left. she told me she loved me, she told everything in her in power to make me stay and i left."

"i know, i know." she rocked me back and forth.

"i love her, and i still left. this doesn't feel real, i feel like i have to regret this but i don't. i don't think i i'll regret this. i'm just sad because i miss her and it wouldn't be smart to go back to her right? she lied to me and she hurt me a lot. i can't go back to her anymore, i'm so scared i wouldn't be able to handle it anymore."