unidentified | billie eilish fanfiction

FOURTY - SIX: not now

violet

today is the day i have been working for, for the past month. the art auction for my paintings at the museum is taking place today. too many things are running through my mind. i don't think they're the right things heather would want to run through my mind though.

heather and billie are meeting for the first time. i'm mostly nervous for that. the rest of the nerves i passed down to heather herself, i don't really mind if i don't make a fortune out of this. heather knows what my paintings are worth, but she still worries.

i'm not sure what outfit i'm wearing yet and i don't know what vibe i should go for. if i called heather to ask, i might get yelled at like a five year old that drew on the walls, for not planing ahead. so naturally i called up the one person that i know that has a clothing store and warned her that i'm coming. she laughed at me and told me that she already said i am welcome in the store before and there was no need for the warning. haven't stepped foot in that place since the incident, it feels weird going back.

"welcome to pulchritudinous, call out for me if you need anything."

"i need a burglar so i can pull out my gun and threaten him." i yelled.

"it's your first time back and you're already cracking jokes about it?" aaliyah raised a brow.

"is it really too soon?" i frowned.

"nah." she shook her head.

"i think you need a really good therapist for the shit i'm putting you through." i chuckled.

"i thought you didn't believe in therapists." she chuckled.

my skin was hot, i was breathing heavily, i almost felt like i could faint, head my spinning. my nostrils were flared, eyes wide, hair everywhere, but i had control this time. i wasn't having a panic attack, i was putting all my rage out, all my stress, all my worries, all my fears, anxieties, all my emotions were being cleansed out of my body at every hit i took upon an object.

"but you do." i pointed out.

"i already have a really good therapist v." she informed me.

"i knew that, of course you have a therapist. after all the arguments we had about therapy, it would be a crime for you not to see one." i said.

i imagined the bat in my hands cracking my papa's skull times and times again. the moment i stopped to take a breath, its almost like he healed himself magically once again. an indestructible man, only ever existing to break me, torture me.

"okay so." she clapped her hands once. "let's do this, what's the vibe we're going for."

"i have no idea. hence why i came here. did you really think i'd ask for fashion advice if i wasn't absolutely desperate?" i answered.

"alright then i think we should just stick with your actual style, just upgrade the "violet" in it a little bit." she suggested.

he is not going to win, i have the power. i hit once again, twice, three times, four, five, six until i lost count and he was bleeding out, dying. i hit until i looked at his face and it didn't look like his anymore, blood all over me, drenched. and then... his eyes opened wide and he was him again, laying on his back, staring at me.