don't get your hopes up ☆ {daron malakian}

4

{sorry, sorta short/ dry chapter! just trying to set things up for the next chapter, which will more than likely be a lot longer than this. plus, much more eventful. also, im sorry if this is a little poorly written. if you are reading this before i edit this tmrw, i apologize}

-

We arrived in the next city early the next morning, checking into the hotel and leaving the next day to unwind, unpacking our things and getting settled in for the next few days.

There was a certain party everyone had been hoping to attend, but upon further investigation there was a collective decision that it would be better if we didn't go. Reason being, a few people who Serj had a small feud with which I didn't care to delve into would be attending, and none of us really wanted to go if we knew Serj would be uncomfortable. Instead, it was decided that we would just have a nice day in, playing cards and such. It was nice to have a day to wind down from the eventfulness of the past few days.

We'd all begun hanging out in Shavo's room, as he had most of the alcohol (or rather, the good alcohol, not the cheap shit that the rest of us usually settled for) and he was the first to offer.

I sat on Shavo's bed, my feet hanging off, my view directly leading into the small kitchen area which was just a few feet away. It consisted of a microwave, a sink, a small fridge which was tucked in the corner, and a small island. Pretty nice hotel rooms, complimentary of a company sponsoring the tour.

Serj and John sat the the stools in the island, sipping on whatever, Shavo mixing himself a drink in behind the counter. The lights were dim, a cd player which one of us had luckily thought to bring playing some whiney type of rock. The other three were laughing about something as I just sat and watched them, not knowing what they had been laughing about as I'd been dazed out.

The door clicked open. I turned my head to see who is was (and obviously knowing), a slightly tipsy Daron entering. He walked into the kitchen, his eyes slightly hovering on me for a moment until one of the guys spoke to him. He leaned against the fake granite countertop, his back facing me.

I decided that instead of seeming like I was moping, that I should join the group, walking into the kitchen and taking a sip of Shavo's drink. I was at the opposite end of the island that Daron was at, both of us facing each other, but never meeting each other's gaze. 

We just simply drank and spoke, me and Daron never speaking directly to each other, never relating our words to the other. That was normal, something I was used to, but after recalling vivid memories of the night before I began to feel insecure about anything and everything. I didn't understand why Daron hated me so bad but did that.

I didn't understand why I hated Daron so bad but I did that.

Fuck.

My thoughts were quickly broken up by Shavo announcing that he'd like to play cards, taking a deck and shuffling it. I never really enjoyed playing cards, nor did I know how before I began touring with these guys. But, it could be fun with the right people.

It was a nice distraction, laughing along with the group and contributing to the conversation, enjoying the game of Euchre.

After a of couple hours of dicking around, we were all sort of drunk, not enough to be vomiting but enough to not have coherent thoughts. This ended a nice night as I decided to go back to my room to get a good rest, thanking Shavo for the alcohol and heading back.

I still hadn't completely unpacked my suit case, setting out clothes for the next day and organizing my hygiene products across the bathroom counter. I then decided that after changing into night clothes, I would smoke a cigarette and go to sleep.

My plan to relax was foiled by my own thoughts, my stomach paining at the thought of the awful man who continued to nag in my brain. The only way I would ever get him to leave my mind was if I talked to him, and that quite frankly terrified me. Like, seriously, what was I supposed to say? 'Hey, we had sex but we're still assholes to each other' ? That is far too upfront, but it was the only thing I could really think of.

I found myself wandering to his room, having already memorized the room number (god, I was delusional), hesitating before knocking on the door, the sound a lot louder than I wanted it to be. I heard footsteps approaching, pausing for a few seconds before opening the door, facing me with a somber expression, his eyes half- lidded.

"We've gotta talk, man." I said, almost too quietly, not sure if the boy had heard me.

"Mmh. Alright, come in."

He opened the door a bit wider so I had room to come in, closing the door for me, directing me to sit on his bed. The two of us sat against the headboard, Daron's room smelling fresh (as in, he had obviously smoked in here multiple times very recently) but that had its charm. Reminded me of high school.

"What'd you wanna talk about then?"

"You... you know."

I felt him shrug, not having to look over at him but instead staring at the wall in front of us, giving myself something to focus on.

"I guess so."

I could feel him breathing, our arms pressed against each other's, our bodies seeming to be one. I could've sworn I could feel his pulse.

I never glanced in his direction, my heart rate too high, my mind too distracted with my own little thoughts. I felt his hand touch mine, his fingers carefully making their way through mine, his palm sweaty. His free hand on the opposite side made its way to my chin, tilting my face so he was in my vision, a small smile on his thin lips.

My mind felt clouded, not able to believe what was happening. Was this real? Even before, what happened back on the bus, didn't seem to have any love in it, any care, but this gave me a small inkling of hope.

Hope.

He kissed me, the taste saccharine and slow, his hand carefully cradling my face. That was the start of something so beautifully terrible.