Extraordinarily Pleased

Headliner

Fiona lifted the spoon to her mouth, about to take her first bite of the night's stew, when a far-off, faint orange flash caught her eye from out the front window. She rolled her eyes as she took her bite, then dropped the spoon back in the bowl as she nudged her husband's arm and nodded toward the window.

Shrek turned his head, catching not only the distant orange, but also hearing the chatter that accompanied. He too rolled his eyes, exhaling a small, incredulous scoff. " Another one?" He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, and scooted his chair back.

"I've got this one," Fiona patted his shoulder to stop him, standing from the table herself. "You got last night's." She took out her hair tie and shook her head until her hair was a huge, confusing mess around her face. She smirked at him from within the chaos.

Shrek gave her a thumbs up, and she pecked him on the lips as she headed for the door.

"I'll keep yer bowl warm, Fi."

"Thanks, hon!"

Shrek emptied Fiona's bowl back into the hot cauldron and went back to his portion, dining to the soothing sounds of his wife's guttural roars and the terrified screams of whatever bumpkins had chosen to trespass on their property, accented by the clatter of pitchforks as they fell to the ground.

Angry mobs were on the rare side these days, compared to what it used to be, but they still happened. The last several years, they'd let the kids handle them when they did arise. But two nights in a row? Even in the old days, that was an anomaly.

Hearing his wife's footsteps approaching again, Shrek rose and ladeled fresh, hot stew back into her bowl, setting it at her place, followed by a second helping for himself. The door's hinges groaned as Fiona entered.

"We needed another one of these, didn't we?"

Shrek turned his head at his wife's question, just in time to catch the pitchfork she tossed his way. He gave it a quick look over as he put another spoonful into his mouth, and gave a short hum of approval. "Wish it had four prongs 'n not three, but it'll do."

"The four prong ones they had were in awful shape," Fiona replied disappointedly as she picked her hair tie back up from where she left it on the table, pulling her long hair back into a quick ponytail. "Plus, we got a good four-pronger last night." She glanced across the room at the other pitchfork leaning against the side table by the front door.

"Mm! Forgot about that one. Thanks, Fi." Shrek leaned over to kiss Fiona as she sat back down. She smiled as they parted, and picked up her spoon to dig back into her dinner, and Shrek set the pitchfork lengthwise on the table.

As she brought another spoonful to her lips, she looked at her husband again. "A bit strange, don't you think? Two nights in a row?" She took her bite as she finished her sentence.

Shrek met her eyes as he chewed a particularly griselly chunk of creature, swallowing after a moment. "I dunno, maybe after last night's crew went cryin' back home, this one came to avenge 'em." He chuckled uneventfully.

"Have back-to-back mobs ever happened before?"

"Well... no , but, ya know... first time fer everythin'!"

Humans - especially the genre dumb enough to go after an ogre household, no less - didn't often adhere to the most logical choices, so two consecutive days of incompetent mobs made about as much sense as anything.

Following that momentary interruption, the couple's dinner continued on in a much less eventful tone, followed by a perfectly mundane night's sleep.

The early morning sun's rays shot through the thick canopy of green that enveloped the swamp. Fiona sat on her knees at the edge of the expansive swamp behind their home, waiting for the feeling to pass. Her eyes were closed but her ears were open, attuned to every sound around her, no matter how small... just in case.