"Lara, where are you going?" Noel's shouting at me, struggling to be heard over the music in the club.
"I'm not letting that dick get away with this." I role my eyes as I turn and start making my way over to him, squeezing through drunk dancers.
I...
Noel Gallagher - NME - 4th June 1994 Those Windows are Saying Throw A Chair Through Me
How time flies, folks. One minute you're a small band with your debut single in the shops, a battered old van driven by your battered old guitarist and a novel line in hotel redecoration. Next thing you know, you're Chris Evans' best mate, you're awash with cash and awards and even your heroes think you're a god. So let's hark back to June 1994, when an emergent Oasis went on the road and SIMON WILLIAMS discovered a band that wanted the world... and got it.
Liam: "My head's in ruins - so's my shirt."
Noel: "You're a mad c***, you are.."
Liam: "No, you're the mad c***!" (Repeat to fade)
It all started off normally enough. A quiet Monday evening in Portsmouth, a sold-out gig for Oasis, followed by a drug pilgrimage and a 'crap' student party on the outskirts of town. Then back to the hotel for a few swift nightcaps. Simple, eh? In the bar, Oasis bumped into East 17, fresh from their own gig at the Guildhall.
"Are you Blur?" demanded East 17.
"No, why? Are you Take That?" came the stroppy reply. While the Walthamstow terriers wisely retired to their various rumpus rooms, Oasis settled down in the bar with a gin and tonic or ten. There was merciless ribbing of any roadie with more than a passing interest in Manchester United - crowned champions earlier that evening, much to the disgust of the pro-City band. Then a bottle of champagne or two appeared on the table. Then the barman made the terrible mistake of abandoning his post. At this point, some drinkers would notice his departure and wonder how long he'd be, imagining wistfully all the alcohol they could purloin in the interim. Oasis don't imagine - they just do. Before you could say, "Bugger me, free booze!", two of the entourage were scrambling over the bar. Emptyin, the fridges and passing the bounty over the counter. One minute later, 50 bottles of beer were being stuffed under chairs and into innocent bags. Then things got really strange. Guitarist, Paul 'Bonehead' Arthurs, decided to go for a dip in the horribly convenient pool next to the bar. The Gallagher brothers, Noel and Liam, decided to have a scrap about an ex-girlfriend. Allegedly. Expletives started flying. Then punches started flying. Then bottles of beer started flying. Then furniture started flying.
Bassist, Lara 'Lara' Evans, valiantly tried to separate the Gallaghers, receiving two insults for her endeavours. Someone started throwing chairs at Bonehead in the pool. Then tables. Liam had Noel on the floor. Noel tore Liam's shirt off. Other residents, tiring of the mass brawl downstairs, started coming out onto their balconies and shouting abuse. One particularly aggrieved sort was accompanied by his girlfriend. While her lover's attention was focused on the mayhem below, she would calmly open her towel to show Oasis either Nothing Very Much At All or Everything, depending on your perspective. At this juncture, the pissed-up band would roar their encouragement, causing the baffled boyfriend to turn and find his demure-looking companion safely covered by the towel. Then he'd shout more abuse and she'd flash again.
