There are times when I feel doubt creep into my mind.
It is challenging to write, but there is a need to do something anyway. It is as if writing is something I must do even if every word I think I type is terrible or wrong or even if I think it sounds like running bitten nails over a calkboard just to hear the aching sound.
The hymn of life? What does that mean? There are so many words to describe the same feeling. There are so many ways in which hate and love are the same. The opposite ends of the same feeling. The must extreme of emotion. In many faces good and evil are the same. The opposite ends of the same feeling.
I forget myself in places where this is not commonly known. Sometimes I assume we all already know this. And the truth is, we do. Already know this to be true. Within the songs of our routines, the daily performances we put on, the rhythm of our own beat, there is real truth. Between our own notions of real and not real, of ocean and land, air and fire, opposites of this same flame, coin.
These surfaces of our faces are not our true nature, but our armour of life. Why must we chose violence if there is an option to just be. To just go with the rhythm of your own flow. How do we do this all at once, everything, nothing. Could this be it? What is coming?
Sometimes I speak so plainly, bluntly, that I come across as rude or inconsiderate. This is far from how I feel, sometimes the words we speak limit us to true feelings. I think it is okay to speak bluntly, to get straight to the point. There is no use in trying to move around the truth, in some way we get there regardless of how we try to avoid it. There is no sense in avoiding an inevitable thing. False notions of reality are challenging to unlearn or recognize, but it is only up to the individual to see their own truth. You can recognize when people tend to avoid their internal truth, it is manifested in their actions and reactions. There is no fault to this existence. To put it plainly, we are all afraid of our subconscious. Deep conditioning, rooted in fear, rooted in our society as a whole, is something we must face together, but we must individually face our uniqueness of living to then come to the collective. There is no way around it, only through.
What have you, oh
Desolate creature, trapped in the labyrinth of the dark mind
Shadow self hypnosis, delusion
Carried away by make believe
Phantoms of your dreams, a vampire
Sucking on innocent young blood, big brother
Told you not to bother, under control of
Everything, nothing.
The fates are real, unreal. We are all delusions
Of existence.
Fantasies of heaven, living nightmares of hell, the gates
Open
To kill what needs to be killed,
Is a rather important step, or process
Along the healing journey. The idea of suicide is so played around that we think it is necessary to muder the actual existence of the vessel, this is not what I mean. To kill one's own existence is to essentially fail, though if you believe in reincarnation you are luck enough to know that it is not the last life to be lived, though I think if one beleives in reincarnation, there are many other beliefs that tag alongside this, and one might not be so include to murder oneself.
There are part of myself that I would like to kill and let die.
I will tell you these parts so that we are not alone. And so that I can state here and now plainly that I wish for these things to be dead and so that maybe when I wake in the mourning, they will be.
I wish to kill the part of myself that is an addict.
I wish to kill the part of myself that is homeless.
I wish to kill the part of myself that is imature.
I wish to kill the part of myself that is naieve and unforgiving.
I wish to kill the part of myself that is lonley, for lonliness does not exist.
I wish to kill these parts of myself in an act of art and love.
I wish these parts, and any other part of myself that is a diservice to my truth, to be dead.
I wish for nothing more.
To kill oneself is an act of spiritual warefare, but to kill what need be killed and to let the dead die is an act of spiritual defense.
Healing a mother wound is challenging.
Sometimes the root cause is hidden or just challenging to understand.
Letting go of this facade of time when embarcking on such challenging inner journies is also challenging, but more willing to be let go of. Time is a tireless constraint, but it does not wish to constrain you. Maybe it wishes only to challenge you, in a good way, in a way that makes you live every day and build a certain worthiness to life. But, dear friend, let go of the time that binds you to believe you do not have enough. In fact, I believe it to be that you have just enough time to do exactly waht you are meant to do here, and you will do it, by the power of the fates alone. When you are open to your soul's potential here too, there becomes a time where you may feel capable of almost everything, but with time and the human condition, you must come to chose something to act upon.
Karma is misconstrued, we think, if I do this bad thing then I will recieve bad thing. This is primitive and a groutesque understatement. Karma is an energy, where energy flows, energy goes, no matter if it is "good" or "bad" you may align yourself to either and be okay. There are outlines within this universe, natural laws in place, not for us to decide but maybe a benevolent creature that watches us from above, toying with our little games.
That is just it, within this matrix, there is a game to be played. If you do not play, karma will come bashing down your door to make you. Energy must flow, you are energy now, so go.
Do what you must.
