Begin Again

Chapter 07

"A hug. And before you say anything it's a congratulatory hug. So congratulations on your little girl," he said and then quickly wrapped his arms around Zhan before he could say no. That small gesture threw Zhan over the edge and he began to cry. It should have been his husband who found out first that they were going to have a little girl. It should have been his husband hugging him while he cried for joy at the beautiful news. Instead he was being hugged by his 18 year old college classmate.

When Yibo noticed that Zhan was crying he began to rub his back, "It's okay. Just think about your little girl. That's all that matters right now."

Zhan pulled away from the hug first and nodded his head, "Thank you." Yibo used his thumbs to wipe away his tears and then quickly moved his thumb over Zhan's mole under his lip while he had the chance. He stroked it twice and then pulled away.

"Yibo..."

"Don't say it. I'm sorry. I just... sorry."

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Yibo asked, "Do you want a ride home?" 

To his surprise Zhan nodded yes to him, still looking down on the floor.  Yibo carefully placed his helmet on Zhan and helped him up on the motorcycle.  Zhan held on tightly and off they went.  

When they got to the apartment complex, Zhan quietly got off the motorcycle and handed the helmet back to Yibo.  This time when Yibo went in to fix his hair, he let him.  

With concerned etched on his face, Yibo used his hand to lift Zhan's head. "Will you be okay?"

Xiao Zhan forced a weak smile, his eyes betraying his true emotions. Yibo gently placed a hand on Xiao Zhan's shoulder.

"Thank you," Zhan said to him.  "Thank you for being there for me." He opened his arms, begging for some comfort and support. Yibo stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Zhan in a warm and gentle embrace. Zhan clung to him, burying his face into Yibo's chest. 

After a few minutes, Zhan pulled away, wiped his tears and whispered, "Thank you for the ride," and walked away.  

____________

As much as Zhan was upset with his husband, he still wanted to celebrate the great news.   Zhan decided to make his husband's favorite meal of sweet and sour pork over steamed rice. He set up the dinner table and plated the food. He then took out the ultrasound picture and placed it by his wine glass. He smiled.

Zhan was still mad, but he figured something must have happened at work that kept him from getting to the appointment. At 6 he lit the candles on the dinner table.

He waited. Soon 7pm came and went. He continued to wait and make excuses for his husband. 8 pm. There's probably a lot of traffic.  9 pm. Maybe he had to stop to get some things at the grocery store. 10 pm. Maybe he got a flat tire and is getting it fixed. 

Zhan stood up from the table and threw his husband's dinner plate on the floor. The white porcelain plate shattered, and food splattered everywhere. He began to cry uncontrollably. He sat on the floor with his head against the wall and brought his knees to his chest. He cried into his knees until there were no more tears to shed. He looked at the clock on the stove. 12:13 am.

He decided to go take a warm shower. He didn't pick up anything and didn't care to. The candles had long since burnt out. He took a long shower and cried. He wrapped his bottom self in a towel and began to use the hairdryer to dry his hair. He didn't realize that the front door had opened due to the noise of the hairdryer.

"ZHAN ZHAN," his husband yelled as he ran into the restroom. Zhan jumped in his spot and dropped the hair dryer. His husband quickly disconnected it from the outlet. "Zhan what happened? I thought you were hurt." His husband grabbed his wrists and began to check every part of his body to make sure he was okay.