Frostbitten

Chapter 22

I sat in my closet, hiding from the rest of the world. I wiped my tear stained face and rubbed my eyes.
"You will never be good enough for them." I told myself. "Everything you have done, the people you have hurt, they don't even know the full extent of your life and you will never be forgiven. You are to evil to associate with them." I started crying again and buried my head in my hands, no one could ever love someone like me, and I could never be close to anyone because of the monster I am.

"Are you okay in there?" a voice asked from outside my closet door.

I jumped, "Natasha, is that you? How did you get in my room?" I asked.

"You left the door open a little." She replied, "Now answer my question. Are you okay?"

I sighed and leaned my head against the wall. I didn't want to answer her.

"I don't fit in here, do I?" I answered, "Do I really belong here? Am I just getting in the way?"

I could hear Nat smiling as she answered, "Of course you're not in the way! Everyone loves you here! I know just what you need. I'll give you a few minutes to clean yourself up and then we're going out."

I asked if there was any way I was getting out of this and she said no. Nat left my room and I crawled out of my closet to find something halfway decent to wear.

---

Nat and I walked out of the tower alone and she told me she had been waiting for another girl to join them because it was boring shopping all by herself. We started at a casual store with a large assortment of t-shirts and everything from jeans to shorts to leggings. We started at the shirts and Natasha gave me Tony's credit card, telling me to buy whatever I wanted. She left me alone for a little while to wander and look around. I tugged at the sleeve of my hoodie trying to hide my wrist where the sleeve met my glove and my metal arm glinted in the sunlight. I looked at the shirts hanging up and decided they were not my style. They were all pink, purple and yellow pastels with short sleeves and I still wasn't comfortable with my arm exposed. They were too bright anyway. I wandered around and found some long sleeved shirts that were dark blue, black, and dark red. I picked up a few of them but avoided the red ones, they reminded me too much of blood and Hydra, I refused to wear that. Satisfied, I walked over to the pants and grabbed some dark blue jeans and a few pairs of leggings. I even found some cute skirts to wear. I located Natasha and we checked out and walked to a shoe store next.

Natasha spoke as we walked, "How do you manage to find the only dark clothes in a store and get them? You didn't get anything different then you already have."

I smiled and answered, "Why would I get something different if I know what I like?"

"Fair point." Nat said laughing. "Do you want to look at shoes on your own this time?"

I shook my head and we wandered into the store together. She went straight to the heels and I followed reluctantly. I was not a huge fan of the idea of walking on six inch toothpicks for hours. Nat held up a pair of small, red heels and asked if I wanted them.

"No." I said quickly, shuffling back a little. "Nothing red please. Not a fan of that color. Besides, have you seen my feet? They would never fit in those tiny things."

Natasha laughed and put them back and we moved on. A pair of black strapped heels caught my eye and I picked them up. The heel was no more than two inches so it was a nice size there. I flipped them over and they were the right size for my big feet and I saw Nat turn around to see why I stopped.

"Oh my goodness! Those are so cute!" She said as she came over, "You should totally get them."

I looked over at her and put them back on the shelf. "I'm never going to have an occasion to wear them." I mumbled. I turned and walked over to the tennis shoes with Nat following close behind. She moved over to the next aisle to find her size and I picked up some blue and white sneakers and decided to buy them. The white wasn't too bright for me and I turned to leave and find Natasha. My eyes flicked over the rows of shoes as I wandered and I was instantly drawn to a pair of ankle high platform boots.

"Those are definitely your style." Nat said behind me, startling me. "If you don't get anything else, please get those."

We ended up leaving and I walked out with two new pairs of shoes. By that time we were hungry so we stopped for lunch at a small sandwich restaurant.

---

I stood off to the side as Natasha looked through rows of fancy dresses. I knew I'd never have any occasion to wear any of these dresses so I didn't bother to look at them. Nat chose about five or six dresses to buy but she decided to look down one last aisle before checking out. I carried her dresses for her as she looked. Nat gasped and pulled out a black dress that fanned out at the bottom and had spaghetti straps and lace at the hem.

"This is perfect!" She said, "Put those dresses down on that bench Makayla and come here!"

I put the dresses down and slowly walked over to her. She pulled me close and held the dress up to my body. I looked down at it and examined myself in the nearby mirror. It went down to just below my knees and would fit my figure perfectly.

"You don't even need to try this on to see that it would fit you like a glove! You need to get this!" Nat tried to convince me. I admitted it was pretty but refused the dress. Natasha was insistent on me buying it and I adamantly said no.

"But why? It's perfect for a party or even a date night!" She questioned as I backed away.

"Because I'll never have a chance to wear something like that!" I said loudly, "No one will ever want to go on a date with someone like me and who would want me at a party?"

Natasha stepped away as I raised my voice, "Hey, it's okay." She said quietly, "I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry."

My heart rate spiked and I started shaking. I grabbed the sides of my head as it started pounding.

"Are you okay?" Natasha asked.

"No." I said through clenched teeth. Any strong emotion triggered a panic attack. I bolted for the door and ran far away until I found an abandoned building. I ran through the front door and threw myself against the far wall and screamed. I felt better letting my emotions out and my voice gave out after a while. I picked up a shard of glass from a broken window and crushed it with my metal hand, cutting through my glove. I let my body settle before leaving to find my way back to the tower. I didn't know how far I had gone until it was dark and I still hadn't made it back. I decided to find a bench and rest until I could figure out where I was. I found a bench and sat down, then feeling tired, I laid down and promptly fell asleep.