LOVE NOT FOUND....

The 3 Words...pt4

It was my summer vacations of my board exam. i still remember this day, I was very worried about what i am going to do next. I was trying to figure out between two person. From which to  choose on, still as usually me and my struggles are always together. aaahhh! i was totally a mess at that time. What to do when you like two things together at same level. I was thinking about the drawback which i will get after this! 

It was only one , who is going to be happy and the other will go in deep sadness. I was thinking about hiren, "he will support me when i will need him?", "he is so sweet and humble will he able to fight against the odds?", "he is from another caste, how can we be together?" lots of head aching questions were triggering my mind. I was totally numb for a while, because i had never done this before. I had never broke someone's heart and played with emotions. But from my one decision everything is going to be change. One day texted Aarav ,"will you meet me, i need to discuss regarding my future admissions for school and even the studies ?" We will meet near my aunt's house , i will be waiting. "yes, ok let's meet, but everyone there will look at us, when we will talk" he said. "it will be okay for you and me." he further questioned. I thought it for 2 mins "okay, let's see we will talk not more than 5-10 mins okay and we will leave." i finally replied. 

After next day, as said to meet up i met him and i totally discussed about him and his studies . I was totally lost while talking to him. His smile and his hand while talking to me. Those attractive small eyes made me think about him a lot. The questions i thought to ask him were only left in my mind, "cause you forget whenever you meet someone so mean to you a lot." It was fixed to talk for 10 mins but its already more than 15 mins. hahhah! This 15 mins made me think about him a lot and my new feelings were started generating. Like a new feeling you can't explain it to anyone. He was even afraid to talk with me in public surrounding. I ended my self and we both went to our places. Its was a relief... feeling for me for just a few moment of time. I saw him from my balcony he was gossiping with his friends and smiling a lot. I melted from that smile while he was looking at me. I started believing the feelings he had for me. 

Few days passed, i finally decided from that two option.

 I texted hiren, "hi, i wanted to tell you something. Please don't get me wrong, I think we should end up with this relationship and I don't think i would able to support you when you need me. We have a caste difference, so its not possible for us to be together." He replied, "is anything gone wrong between us? please tell me, we will solve it out." "i know there are differences but we will convince our parents" "i even told about to my mom, so why all of sudden ? what your are doing?".

I told him in convincing manner which was very hard for me at that. Even the confusing mind made me think a lot what should i tell him and how he is going to react back. I replied,"I know you are right and even you are the good person as well but i'm not able to what you wanted in future. i can't able to see you in trouble because of me . please try to understand. i know you must be thinking i am very bad or i had cheated on you , but this is only the option we should think of..." He replied ,"But it was all wrong what u r doing to me , i am feeling sick from your decision and i am totally broken from inside. Now tell we will able to face each other next time we meet. OK fine its your decision i respect it." i replied  him with last words, "but still we are good friends, right!". "Friends into lover is possible but lover into friends is impossible" he replied me this. i was a numb and blind for moment , started thinking about "am i doing right?", "or it is good to separated now?... rather then  regretting later.", "Or i am falling for that boy whom i started knowing from last few months and neglecting my long time friend from school". 

But the decision was already thrown out from my mouth, which could never be changed. From his messages i can feel what point of person he was for me. He was totally feeling low and i am a totally confusing mess from inside. i was not able to show my feeling to anyone at that point. It was good till i didn't spoke up and now for me new things to come on. I think, it was end of my conversation with him that day. we never spoke to each other then. After few days later of my break up , one of my school friend texted me "did u leave him?" "r u with some other now? "or you are just cheating on him?". I was surprised ,"why he is saying me all of sudden, did he told him about our break up?" i replied "What happened and why are u insulting me." He said, "did you both breakup..?" i said "hmm, few days back". he told me that i met hiren, he was kind of sad and not talking to much to anyone. you cheated on him right just for the other boy.i was bit surprised how he could know about aarav!!. He send me aarav's pic from social media and telling me you left for this boy right.. I was trying to ignore his words and neglecting his questions by saying no.. not that the reason.  Few of our friends text me did you both broke up ...

Again due to such messages i was sad again and bit confused. Did i done anything wrong? or Should i change my decision!!? But the other part of my side was telling you were right on your way.  it was good to take decision early better than crying later . aaahh ! 

What the hell i was suppose to do in such situation when you have such a strict parents and even you are surrounded by such situations. From here i started thinking about aarav as well. But i was really wrong in my decisions from starting. I should have not listen to his feeling of hiren and even i should i have not thought about aarav. 

This teenage mind will always leads to wrong decisions. It always too early and even always too late. This things took me years that they were wrong things at wrong time may be. Was aarav will be my final choice or should i wait him and test him for my self? But love is never to test and it should always done by unconditionally. 

Next day me and aarav were staring each other. This staring game was never to end for me now. He stopped when i was lost for a bit looking at him. He asked me in gestures "what happened???" I was still falling for him slowly slowly. Suddenly i came to my senses and i finally thought should i say him.. or should i wait now ??!

No it was not time to wait for me because feeling will never stop you to tell him. Suddenly what i was thinking, I actioned him with my fingers. Which was truly not planned or never came to mind to do this! i finally actioned him with those 3 words and i really mean it. But not sure what the outcome will be. I was such a mad for moment . I opened up my palm with my first finger and then my another four fingers and the last was you with the three fingers. This was my way of expressing to him. Even he could not get me, he asked me again from actioning "is it true?" i again done it for him, so he could get me!!! i could not express his smile and his behavior for a moment , but i can see someone dancing when you get that lot of happiness at one go!!:))))

I suddenly went back inside and even giggling with my own with what i had done today! 

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