LOVE NOT FOUND....

Emotions pt11

"Maybe I am the only one who is suffering a lot during such situations."

Life could be hard and tough for emotional human like me and a lot of damage to mental health. After listening to my parents decisions over marriage I was really shocked and became overthinker again.

Life had become a totally mess for me. How could they think about the marriage when I am totally not ready? I was just 18 at that time. On the other hand, Aarav has gone from life already which made me weak day by day. I had different thoughts that time which were running with the speed of light. Day and night only two thoughts that me nervous of leaving aarav in middle and the decision of marriage.

ahhh! Sh**t!! Please help me someone from this!

From the topic of marriage started, mom always try to tell me about that idiot boy how he is good and how he is earning and even all family members are good enough. I always try to ignore her and her words. I was busy thinking what to do regarding aarav and my decision of breaking up with him.

I could not think much and it was not possible for me to contact him, because he blocked me. So again I contacted his friend through messaging and also begged to tell him to unblock me soon because I am in a trouble. After a week I got a message from him.

"What happen now?" why are you messaging me and troubling my friend? He replied angrily.

I told him, "I am sorry for, what I did to you. I am totally in difficult situation right now. Please help me out. My parents are discussing about my marriage. I do not want to do it. I am very sad."

He said back, "to whom you are getting married? Hmm... are you serious? Or you are out of your mind? Tell your parents you are not ready and your studies are remaining. Okay. Try to convince them at any end and I am not telling because we are in relationship and we are looking for our future. You are still small and not even in those conditions. You just tell them in any way or try to delay it."

It felt relieved at least he understood me and my values. But he was even sad that time and also he was trying to speak to with normal. He also told me his condition when I am doing this to him. This was my second time I had done to him.

Anyone in the world will not believe me after such heart breaks but he accepted me. I can feel his disappointment towards me.

Aarav also told me you never take decision in haste. Always just think twice or thrice or even more. Your parents will never take your side because you will never able to stand for yourself.

Every single day, parents would seat on my head with the same decisions. That dad's friend son usually try to look at me now because he also have got the hint. He was good from outside but sometimes I always think about what I saw him doing last time.

"ALL THE GOOD THINGS NEVER SEEMS TO BE GOOD FROM ALL SIDE"

This thought perfectly suited him. His name was Mahesh, we both belong to same caste and same relations of people. It was so easy to get such relationships between our parents but not for me. I used to tell aarav everyday to find out the way for me to get out of these situations soon. I wasn't allowed to go somewhere else those days. Mom would always keep watch on me and my behaviour. Aaahh! It was troubling me a lot. Days were going but parents were so firm on there decision they would always try to manipulate my thoughts mostly my mom. Even she try to emotional blackmail me with her emotions thoughts. Like if "you will not listen to your parents you will regret at the end. You will neve understand your parents until you will became the same. You will be also having such scenes in your life you better listen to us." Even she indirectly used to say me cursed words. 

I was threatened. Life was exhausted day by day. Aarav so small to handle my such situations right now. But he would try to encourage me to do this and that. But nothing was working. As Mahesh was close to my family he would suggest many things in our house regarding taking care of this and that and also about how the society is try to protect your kid as he knows everything. He was bit different which I don't like it. 

After few days, one day I don't know he told my mom dad about my messanger and Facebook is on . I wasn't sure he would have done it but surely when my father got call from him after that they started again behaving roughly with me . They told me....

 "You are using Facebook still, we told you to shut it down. I think you are still with that idiot  right? That's why you are always on phone and you got such less percentage as well ! What's wrong with you ? Why don't you listen to you mom dad ? They are always right for you. Tell me now what's going now !? We don't understand social media and you are fooling us with this things. What you were chatting with him and not taking our decisions seriously. Wait now you will marry Mahesh only!  I told them "papa listen to me first !!:((( This is not what you are thinking! " 

"Are you insane or out if your mind ? Stop this lovey thoughts from your mind. Okay !"  Mom replied me agreesivly.  

I was crying. .she even told my dad soon marry her before it's to late tell Mahesh parents about further. 

Dad told me " you just shut your mouth okay now you will do what I say! Okay no more arguments and no.morw issues without troubling us. You just get lost now. And next day show me your messanger i will see did you get it." 

I totally ruined my life with my own hands. Now I was in more trouble because I couldn't connect anyone not the friends and not even aarav. Thoughts were running so fast.

 What to do now??

Shall I take the phone secretly and remove my all chats or should I end this now. It was terrible feeling for me . Why God is giving me such shitt!! At once please someone help me out with this!

Or this is my final ending now! :( 

All i can do was to refuse this decision any how! Or tell Mahesh everything about my story but he was cheap at the end he was more connected with my parents not me. If I would tell him he will tell my parents at the end! Life was tough now. Everything I look around was such a mess I had created. 

Next day ,papa saw all chats of aarav and mine he even though read it but last chats were deleted so there were only 2 days chat of song we had send each other even the love words . 

He got angry on me so much I was gone totally i thought. But that slap was much better then emotional trauma for me. He misunderstood my feelings and emotionally told me that .. go in front of the God tell that you will not be doing this and if I would do I would see my parents in hell ? 

What was this actually!  A kind of misconceptions. I wasn't saying this think from my Full mind set but just to get rid of that situation I spoke out but even I was still firm on my decision inside me . I won't change this time because my opposite person is not good.

What I will get at the end instead of aarav ! Mahesh.. yak!! God is this your choice!  I had not done anyone's wrong in my whole life and I am receiving such false hope and wishes. Still  on my thoughts. 

Keep reading 😉!!!!