LOVE NOT FOUND....

Pt14

Things were hard !! Because I couldn't figure out what going on in my life? The most important part phase of my life was such a bad. Every girl in the world always dream of having huge and planned wedding with your soul person of your life. But what was going in my life was not a single piece of my planned things. 

Not even the groom not even the wedding places not even wedding clothes. Aah ! Life is tough.

                    I couldn't utter a single word when everyone was asking me what I thing about marriage!? Because for me it was now became a life game.hahha! What a bad joke!

                   I was all alone. I was in lot of overthinking. Why everyone can't see how much wrong he is ? Why all things are just seen by me !?? Sometimes your past deed comes to you in this way ! I thought. Somewhat i had done something wrong with someone, in this way god would be punishing me. Every single day anything new would come to me. Sometimes mom would interupt me with the wedding thoughts and then my father.. we came back from village. 

Now I was waiting to meet aarav soon. Then we would able to decide further. But what would he will be doing to me. He was also insecure about me. Because of his timing and problems he was also not able to help me out. Days were passing and we both getting distance from each other. 

  

                                                               Year : 2019

Now the next year had started. With lots of new drama in my life. Now everyone was ready for my wedding they want my answer at the last. While telling Mahesh parents 2/3 times No from my side. They were not believing my parents. So they were about to come and meet me in person. I was all afraid what to do. Am I being selfish?! To my own thoughts or the world is full of against me at the end. Now it was not going back. Parents were torturing me every single day regarding the marriage. 

          Everyday ended with my lots of sadness. I had distanced my self from aarav too. I was not able to talk to him. When I used to go to college I just talk to him and even now we have no more words to speak with each other. Because of my wedding problems.

One day we both were talking on call. He told me one things that really hit me hard !! He asked me about peerpressure ! 

"Do you know what peerpressure means? " Have you heard about it previously! I was not known but I had heard it somewhere. Then he told me " you are still not in the peerpressure. Or must be ignoring. You should have done pre planning about the circumstances you will have in your life. And you are still not in that pressure or tension like what will happen if you will.lose ? Have you ever thought about such things and what will be your actions regarding it? " Didn't thought na!!" So you are wrong. You will feel my words wrong or disappointing but it's true. I had gone through peerpressure and also planned what will I will be doing. If something comes to me "

I was al blank what he wants to tell me. He was trying to tell me about us. That I am the only one who was not trying. If I would try anything regarding delaying or standing for us. He was all right I was the only one who was wrong because I didn't spoke anything and everything is being done infront of me. 

For so many days we didn't talk much. First everyday I used to call him and now it became gap of 12-15 days. Almost my 1yr of college was going to over soon. We have few holidays in between the exam schedules. In those holidays everything changed. Everyone surrounded me . My parents and even my uncle as well they were convincing me for this marriage. I was crying in hell at that time. I even tried telling my father one day about Mahesh and his inner self how dirty he is ! But dad manipulated me by telling me to be quiet. What!!?? How he could do this to me! Then he told me we will see if he is wrong. The next day his parents came home. To ask me for the last time if I am ready or not . Is anyone is forcing me for this marriage!? I was having the biggest chance to speak now! But when your parents and theirs emotions comes first you have to be quiet and listen to them. Every single girl problem in Indian society. I felt my self suicide now. 

             Many times I cried alone and also bitten my self to the wall with my hands. Even shouted like a hell in the room when no one is around. The most stressful situations and time I had . I always beg God every single day of my life. What he is doing and why my parents are not able to trust me. Am I the only daughter of the world to suffer such issues?

The next day Mahesh parents were going to come . I felt from my inside that no one is thier to help you kia. Just go with the flow of your shitt life. Lets do what your parents are saying lets see at what phase you have to fight and forget aarav forever and let aarav know how kia is also wrong for him and sacrifice your love for your parents. Aah!! I was silent.

Mahesh's parents came, his father sat in front of me. He spoked in huge voice. " Are you ready for this marriage? Kia . Is someone troubling you to do this marriage tell me !? If you said yes now then no turning back from the decision okay. I just nodded my head with saying yes!! For the marriage. Most wrong and worst decision of my life. But I quit. Then everyone around me was happy and having a good faces. Mahesh was now ready with full energy to talk to me any ways. But most tragic thing to happen is now ! How I will tell aarav ? 

Or still I should wait to happen any miracle of my life?

What the hell I am made of ! I am confused person. Totally blank . I went back to college when my exams were going to start. Even on the other side aarav last semester exam were going to start from April. I was not sure. What to tell him ? But then too I have to do !!! 

I took my friends phone and messaged him. He asked me " is everything okay at your house"?

I was getting a strong feeling that he must be knowing. He told I was not able to see you near your area. Is everything okay at home? Hmm I told him I need to tell you something.

Then he replied me 

                 " said yes for the wedding?" I was bit shocked. Then I told him we should break up because nothing can be seen of our future together. I think it's the time to be apart. 

He angrily replied," I was already knowing you will tell me this" congratulations for your wedding and decision.  Be good wife of Mahesh forever. And also be kia Mahesh p.. happy now!! It's better you should have left me before last 3yrs back. Why the hell you hurted me for 4yrs . ??

        "But I bet you that you will regret your decision... forever okay ..now I feel really you don't deserve me Kia a selfish person. Last what you had promised me on promise day.. did you ever remember? You told me that this time I will never ever leave in any situation and now you are leaving me..at my worst. "

I was crying from inside. While chatting with him. Because I don't have guts to talk to him on cal i just texted him. I was speechless and no words to tell him just reading his messages one by one.

Are you even knowing what you have done to me. But I am true to you and my self. You are the only one to whom I will love the most and last. Even i spoke to my mom about you already. Even they were somewhat ready for you. You are leaving me before my exam and i am having the last sem of engineering. Is this way you are betraying me ?? Be happy and don't you ever try to contact me okay. You selfish. You just get away. 

                 "I am sorry aarav that for what I had done to you. I am really sorry. I was not having any other option in front of my parents. Please forgive me. Please be happy and less angry on others. ' i replied him

Then he told " you just be quiet why you are ordering me to do this and that. You had done what you wanted now I will do what I had to do ! Okay. I had changed my self for you. But now I will be worst of my own self. Good bye forever. Please don't try to contact me. I will block you here.now. it was really nice meeting you kia. !

And he finally blocked me !! The sad.. phase will now start.

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