LOVE NOT FOUND....

The regrets prt15

                             "Every second was hard now for me! "

Everything around me was reminding of aarav. I couldn't get out from his thoughts and I was totally lost. Even my term exam were near. I told one of my friend about what I had done. I was speechless and blank while talking to her and she was yelling at me for what I had done so far.

Every minute i was regretting because of such wrong decisions. I don't what to do now. And how I will face this Mahesh and his behaviour regarding me. And also the family members who will now start things for the marriage. I was thinking a lot. I can now only see his WhatsApp dp and last seen but couldn't now talk. Everyday whenever I came to college felt like a hell because that phone calls have stopped. 

Aahh! Life is hard. Why the hell everything has to be with me only God!?????

Family was happy as usual and even Mahesh was too excited to go out with me !

Everyday I used to look at his dp of WhatsApp and regrets. All the dp picture were for sadness and unhappiness moments. He used to put the sad Hindi songs phoster on his dp. "Tera zikr", and "kash esa bhi hota "song would hurt me every single time I listen to it. All the songs relate to the breakup who has done by a girl. The other would hurt me a lot a rap song of Dino James named " Yaadein". Everyday I listen to this songs and cried a lot. Yaadein song would hurt me a lot because every word of song count as true in our relationship also. The 4 yrs and the happiness i was having during the time we were together. 

I wasn't having the single picture of him with me but my feelings were true for him . I was only one who know what happening inside me. I was totally broken. No one to give me shoulder to support and let me cry hard out.

Day were moving like a wind. The day we broke up from that point I was not able to see him around my area. I was always finding ways to see outside so any how I can see him around. But I was wrong.

Things are hard. Now I can feel the real break up of mine. Also I can feel how aarav would be this days. he would have changed a lot during this days. The angry man with lot of ego and attitude. 

Now I have made my mind not to move towards aarav till I couldn't find a way for to delay this marriage or to cancel it out.... But nothing was working not even a single idea to get out this Mahesh from my life. His family and my parents started thinking when to have the marriage. I was totally lost. But the most hard part of my life was now going to start which I had never thought off. Mom started forcing me to talk to Mahesh on phone and messages so I can connect to him. In which I was not at all interested. Because I had not get over aarav and in between this things were really harsh and fast for me to handle. But the other side Mahesh was not waiting because he wanted to marry and fuck out soon as I was thinking those days. 

He was trying to get my attention always and always try to ignore if possible for me and but mom would not able to do me this. Day by day somehow I have to forget aarav or should I find ways to get out of through this situation I was totally confused. Mom forced me to talked to him on messages with him. And at the end I have to do it to make her happy. I was blank what should I talk to him. Even he was getting my intention that I don't want to talk him.

Meaning of chatting for him was like I should stick myself through the phone till the time he is free. But why the hell he is cheesy. He would stop chatting till he got any work in office. I used feel tired while chatting with him. It was not a hour but almost 3-4 hours of chatting would feel like fuck off !!! Of mind....Yaakkk where the hell I am stucked!? :(

Everyday was not good for me and this things I couldn't able to tell my parents also. He was totally different the way he behaved from outside. I was totally became weak from inside because of my thoughts which were making me feel emotional. 

I always pray God to help me out from this situation. But nothing was working.....!

I never thought of aarav would be thinking about me or not this days. But from his WhatsApp dp' s I can understand what was he is going through. Days were moving and Mahesh indirectly told me go out with him so we can spend time together. But I was not at all interested. Looking at my mom I have to go. It was really weird moment for me to go out with him ! He took me to the cafe we are and he talked with me regarding the marriage and blah blah!!! After an hour we went back home. All the way I was thinking about aarav ....

The pain inside me had broken me so much I had became silent. Every single girl in the world would sacrifice her love just because of her parents not the other reason.... I was the one too!!!

I was going with the flow.. let it happen what was being done. As if God is not able to see such things what I can do now.! The day before my another birthday aarav messaged my college friend from whose phone I used to talk with him...she called me told me that aarav want to talk to you tomorrow and you have to call him. It's urgent!! I was Blank and also even happy too!! As after such breakup no one would call...

The next day I went to college and thought a lot should I call or let it be... After thinking a lot I called him finally and talked with him... The same tone of voice with low sound and his way of talking has made me felt the day we met..(the best day of my life!!)

He was feeling low. And he talked with me till the time he wanted and wished me happy birthday as he promised me. He thought to wish me as we have discussed but things are not same as before.. now ! He was changed...now old behavior of him towards his parents and also spending much of his time outside with his friends or alone this days ... Even his exam didn't went well because of our breakup. For a minute, he told me come back again but he smirked and said  it's a joke...don't you ever come back...it will not happen again and i will not make myself feel low because of you.. I am very practical person. Now even though I cried many nights and also thought about you that this time also , for a once you will come back but it didn't happen.....(just like he thought i used to do during every breakups!). But I can bear my self so you don't worry!!..and don't even think about me ..have a great life. Must have made a new boyfriend now ... He joked silly things which would hurt me indirectly...his words were painful but happy to hear him at least on my birthday.

I was relaxed for a bit and happy too! Even thanked God for these phone call which I had never expected!! But the other side of my life things were same. The same Mahesh and his bullshit talks and my parents issues with the marriage..aaah ! Help me out someone with this! Hoping of every other to be a miracle for me !! But nothing has changed so far.

Day were passing the same with Mahesh and his chats everyday....

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