Love Beyond Words

Chapter 1

Love is such a strange thing. You would die for that person only for them to break your heart, leaving you with nothing but a shattered heart and a clear brain. I could never bring myself to love anyone; not that any girl would want to approach me. But I don't care. I like being alone and not having my heart broken by some girl I'll probably forget in the next few years after meeting another one.

But anyway, the reason I'm speaking of that four-letter word is because another couple finally broke up this week, it's shocking, honestly. It's weird how four couples broke up and they're acting as if it's a big thing or they'll never fall in love again. Like, seriously, we're twelve.

I roll my eyes and take another bite out of the grilled cheese sandwich my mother made for me this morning. It was just the way I liked it; the cheese wasn't too cheesy.

My eyes scan over the playground, watching the way my classmates run around blabbering on and on about the recent breakup. Geez, we get it, the 'hottest' couple in school broke up and now what? Do they think the world is going to end? The apocalypse is upon us. They're being dramatic is all. I mean, they were bound to break up sooner or later because nothing lasts forever.

Almost like the leaves that fall from the trees during Autumn, turning a ravishing orange colour; clearing dying but we can't save that leaf, can we? No, we just sit back and watch as things and time pass by because nothing stands still for long.

I quickly gathered up my things as I knew the bell was going to churn in a few minutes. Another recess alone. But I don't care, I like being alone; I'd rather be friendless than have the fake, backstabbing ones.

I slipped the straps onto my shoulders and got up, making my way to the secret entrance I discovered a few weeks ago. It's quite helpful because that means I don't have to be pushed around and shoved into people. I place my earphones in and begin to listen to one of my favourite songs.

I let out a tired sigh and walked to the end of the building, I turned the corner and as I was about just walk past the door that's been locked and chained for some odd reason, I noticed her sitting on the floor with her knees to her chest.

Her face was covered with her hands and her shoulders were shaking a bit. Oh no, she's crying and now I'm in a very sticky situation.

Firstly, I know who this is and lastly, I don't have a clue on how to comfort anyone. So, now I must think of difficult ways to avoid comforting her. I simply stare at her with an expressionless face while gripping the straps of my bag, debating on what to do.

So far, I have two options. My first option is to coldly walk past her and successfully make it to class seeing as she was still not removing her hands from her face. My second option is to turn around and take the normal entrance and risk being shoved and pushed around again but still make it to class with a few bruises. I'm able to make up my mind and I turn around about to walk away, but unfortunately, she noticed my presence.

"Love is stupid, don't you think?" Her voice was soft, it reminded me of that gentle feeling when contacting a feline or a puppy. Their fur is silky soft and quite pleasant to the human touch. I slowly turn around and look at her again. I blink. I hope she's crazy and just talking to herself because I would be shocked if she was talking to me. She finally removed her hands from her face and looked at me with red eyes. Shit.

She gives a sad smile and allows the tears the run down her face, not bothering to wipe them away or shield them from me. There was a silence between us. This is awkward. She stared at me almost waiting for my response and I stared at her waiting for her to pretend I didn't exist so I could leave.

I let a sigh and opened my mouth; I whispered my answer, but it was the kind of whisper she couldn't make out. She raised an eyebrow. I haven't talked to anyone since I started school. Not because of anxiety or a disorder, I just didn't feel like it. My grip tightened around my straps as I realized I needed to repeat myself to her.

I take a step forward and another and another, before I find myself sitting beside her, inhaling her coconut scent which was starting to annoy me. It was the perfect amount; it wasn't too much but it wasn't too little. I thought she'd move over a little not wanting to be too close because of the reputation I hold, but no... she just stayed and looked at me with her curious amber-brown eyes.

I take my phone out of my pocket and put in my password before scrolling around and finally finding the app I need. My phone is very unorganized, but I don't have the needed energy to fix it nor do I have the energy to fix myself or fix my family. Now, I'm way off topic, sorry.

I began to type in my answer to her question. The question I never knew anyone would ask me. 'Love is stupid, don't you think?' Well, I'm only twelve, I know nothing of love but the result of it: Heartbreak.

I never knew how to love or how I'd define this four-letter word. My parents never loved each other; they never loved themselves. They are so caught up in their arguments; that they never got the time to love me. I hate love. No, hate is too much of a strong word. I just don't see what's so fun or exciting about love. It's just a word. An abstract noun. Maybe I am not normal. Everyone has experienced love in some sort of way.

From their parents, their peers, their neighbours, their pets, their family... or themselves. But I, on the other hand, don't know what it feels like... I don't want to know what it is. I'm scared, there I said it. I'm afraid of love. Not because of heartbreak or anxiety... I just don't want to feel it.

I finally finished my little response and read over it. I look at her and hesitantly hand her my phone, her fingertips brushing lightly against mine. Even though it was a second of her touch, I knew her hands felt soft, warm... welcoming. I watch as her eyes scan over my words. I notice the small smile on her face.

She gives me my phone back and wipes her tears before letting a breathy chuckle, "Thanks for that." She said, looking at me again with calm eyes. The same curious amber-brown eyes. I look down at my phone and read the response again.

'Love is just a word. I know it's a feeling, but I don't think it's stupid, I just don't like love. But if you think it's stupid, I suggest you forget this word and focus on a new path. Love is stupid after all.'

My screen goes black, and I'm left with just my reflection glaring back at me.

"I'm Naomi, I don't think I've seen you around before."

Oh, but I know who you are. I see you all the time but unfortunately, you never seem to notice me. The boy who hates bright colours and chooses to wear black; the boy who refused to speak since elementary, not because of anxiety or a disorder but because he didn't feel like it.

But in all honesty, I don't blame you. I didn't mind the fact you had no idea who I was. Your friends probably distracted you so that you didn't even bother to ask me - the person who sits next to you in class - what my name was. You probably did notice me, but you just didn't care. Like how I don't care as well.

This time instead of whispering or typing in my name, I take a deep breath and look at you with tired eyes. "Matteo." That's my name.

The meaning behind is 'Gift of God.' Funny because I see myself as one of God's screw-ups. A boy with a lot of flaws and secrets. A boy with no friends or parents to love him. A boy who was alone in this fucked up world. Yes, I'm twelve and I just said the f-word, but who cares? You'll find that I swear a lot, so get used to it, please.

I could tell this was the start of something new when I saw your heart-stopping smile.