As It Was (COMPLETED) (wattys2023)

The Monster You Made

One Month After Massacre

There was something gut-wrenching about having to watch the memorial held at Lincoln Heights from my cell phone screen in the middle of a courthouse.

I had spent the last three days sitting through mental preparation with my newest psychologist. It was the third in a month, and with how our last session went, I was sure I'd be moving on to my fourth any given second. He's spent over an hour trying to pry me open and get me to speak about the hurricane of emotions I was sure to be feeling this morning.

He was as unsuccessful as he was correct about my emotions. The second Mom had touched her hand to my shoulder this morning, I'd retreated into myself. Today was the day I'd been dreading for weeks; the day I'd silently hoped I wouldn't have to be involved in. I knew that this wouldn't just be a day and it'd all be over and done; that I wouldn't have to sit in a room with the sick murderer that wore my brothers face.

I could feel the outer edges of my fingertips beginning to numb as my father rested his hand on the small of my back and led me into the courtroom. The benches had filled quickly, leaving only a small space at the end of the first row on the right. Though he didn't say a word, I could feel my father growing tense under all the intense stares, and moments later, he quickened his pace so he was seated. Mom had been trailing behind but was a blubbering mess. The second she'd stepped into the courthouse; all her bearings had been dropped. The tight, professional ponytail was halfway undone, mascara smeared around and under her swollen, puffy red eyes. She'd put on a blouse with a pencil skirt, but sometime on her trek from the bathroom here it'd come undone, and she appeared to have no intention of tucking it back in and making herself presentable.

I had seated myself between my parents when a familiar flash of black flickered into my line of sight and sent my stomach spiraling. Naomi Chao was stalking toward the bench to my left, a certainty in every step. I shouldn't have been surprised to see that she was so alert and ready; four years of debate had prepared her for this.

Only, when she turned to look at us on the benches, all confidence dissipated as if it'd been suctioned right out of her. She opened her mouth just enough to show how bitten and raw they were behind the thick layer of red lipstick, and her brown eyes shone with tears that she blinked vigorously from her eyes as she continued her trek to her seat. Following her heels, I eventually allowed my eyes to drift upward and wished I hadn't.

Hilary Baxter was the sole person who'd been sitting there when we walked in. She'd been bent over rummaging through her bag, so I hadn't been able to see her, but the second Naomi approached, she sat upright and extended a trembling hand to the younger girl.

"Everly." My father leaned into me. "They're about to bring him in."

I pried my eyes from the women and looked to my father, not reassured at all when I saw the horrified look he was trying so desperately to conceal. His large hands were curling and unclenching on his lap, dark eyes scanning the room, legs bouncing with anxiety. He no doubt was about as ready to see my brother as I was.

"All rise."

I rose to my feet shakily, my eyes involuntary darting toward the door the Judge had stepped through, but not even a few feet behind her, was Clark.

A part of me had thoroughly believed that he would be in an orange jumpsuit with his hands cuffed; he sat at the table in a black button up and a pair of slacks, no restraint outside of the two police officers at his flanks. He looked nothing like the boy who'd held me at gunpoint a month ago. His hair had been shaved off, leaving him looking far more like the twin I'd drove a knife into. But it was his face that was the most unnerving. His blue eyes had seemingly sunken into his face, sitting in dark, heavy bags beneath them. His cheeks were sickly thin, so much so his cheekbones were extremely visible and every time he flexed his jaw, it was visible in them.