As It Was (COMPLETED) (wattys2023)

To Be Loved

I had been prepared to be terrified of stepping foot inside of a school after the massacre. What I'd never imagined is being in total fear for my safety anytime I was in a crowded place.

Since I had pushed aside every other big event at Oasis, I had somehow managed to allow Javi, Angela, and Garrett to talk me into Prom. The very idea of attending felt like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of me, as it would be far from how my senior prom should be. Miles should be showing up in his rusty old truck, shifting anxiously as he looks back and forth between my parents before they agree and let me go with him, if he promises to have me back before midnight. Or I'd turn into a pumpkin, as my father liked to joke. We'd spend most of the night slow dancing and laughing, and Brady would manage to sneak a very uncoordinated dance in with both of us before he'd lead Miles off to go spike some punch and get snapped at by chaperones and school staff about it.

This would be far from that. My parents were states away and I hadn't spoken with my mom in over two months. Nobody would be at the door to see me off, Miles wouldn't be standing outside waiting, and Brady would never make his rounds.

"Are you ok, Everly?" Angie asked now, pointing her chopsticks at me from across the table, thin, dark brows arched. I dropped my gaze to my bouncing leg under the table and dug my nails into my thigh to stop it. "You've been anxious since we got here."

I'd been anxious, because any time I heard any loud noise I was looking over my shoulder or ducking into a corner, cowering. Because my PTSD didn't just stop at school-it followed me everywhere I went.

"I know you didn't want to come today." She continued, picking up some chow Mein between the sticks. "I know you don't want to go to Prom. But I appreciate you coming with me. All my friends dipped last second for that dumb music festival."

I nodded but didn't respond. My eyes flickered over her shoulder to a man in a black hoodie, hands tucked into the pockets of it. I started to push out of my chair, eyes hyper fixating on his hands, before he pulled both out to reveal a paper list of some kind. Releasing a shaky breath, I lowered myself back into my chair and propped my chin on my hand.

"I promise we'll find you the perfect dress." She said, smiling. "And you'll have a great night, I'll make sure of it."

I tried to force a smile but was sure from her end it looked more like a grimace. I appreciated the hope she still had inside her, the love and dedication. But there was no way in absolute hell that she was going to be able to ensure I wouldn't completely fall apart Friday night.

*

Angie's pick for me was a floor length Cinderella like dress. Off the shoulders, lace sleeves, and a slight dip in cleavage that she promised to fill with one of her necklaces. I'd liked it enough, I suppose. It wasn't the beautiful sea green I'd worn to Miles' Prom last year, but it'd do. Especially since I'd lost so much weight the last seven months that it took over two hours to find a dress that fit.

By the time Angie had dropped me off at Garrett's, the first of the April showers had rolled in and I slipped inside before I could get drenched. Garrett was on the edge of the couch, shouting profanities at both Javi standing in front of the TV, and at whoever they were playing against. I tried to slip past, but Javi paused the game and threw a look at me over his shoulder.

"Hey!" he greeted with a small smile. "How'd it go? Did Ang play dress up?"

"She tried to make me go get my nails and eyebrows done." I said as I lifted the bag from the dress shop in my hand. "Luckily I was able to convince her that this was as far as she was going to get with me."