𝐃𝐄𝐏𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐃

39

HER PREY

The rest of the weekend was spent tip toeing around the topics neither of us would rather talk about and spending more time on knowing one another on a more normal front.

For example: Have you ever met someone who likes tomato and pineapple pizza before? Well, apparently Lowen likes it.

We truly had a good time, and Lowen left out about thirty minutes before my parents came home from their trip.

I knew immediately by the look on my mother's face that something bad had happened while they were away. I went to the kitchen and handed my father what he wanted out of the fridge as he shuffled quietly into their bedroom.

My grown mother fell into my arms, bursting into sobs. I sat her in a chair at the island and fixed her to some tea.

"What happened?" I asked after I felt like she had been crying long enough.

"I lost it, Casei. I lost the baby," her voice cracked on the word.

"How did you lose it?" I passed her the tea, in a small mug that her hands shook around.

"I hope you're happy. I don't know...yesterday I just woke up, and it was gone. I-I looked down into the toilet and it was gone, Casei." It must be hard seeing her egg walk around all alive when the one she truly wanted didn't make it. I'm sorry, but it's hard for me to feel sorry about the child or my mother's state- it just means shit will get worser on Casei.

"It was probably everything we did. The karma, the bad habits, all of it. I didn't deserve this baby," she whispered, staring into the hot liquid, "I knew that and I still hoped that I'd find a ray of sunshine. I was probably too old...too-too-

"It might not even be your fault, Mom," I sighed, "But beatin' yourself up over your circumstances won't change anything, so just smile."

"What type of words are those?" she placed her mug down, coming around the counter and standing in front of me. I always see her as this looming and combustible monster but she's really just...hurt and shorter than me.

She's not a monster, she's human.

"The words that you've said to me...before." I wiped my damp hands on a paper towel, carefully getting between each finger, "Suck it up. Nobody wants to see you sulkin' around."

I left the kitchen, knowing I'd have to pay for my actions one way or another, but I felt satisfied in that moment. What I did was sick. But they were the same words she uttered to me at my lowest moments. I'm not perfect, and some part of me regrets not being there when she needed me, but maybe now she knows what pain feels like.

What it feels like to lose something a part of you.

I pull out my phone and hit up a person who's number I've acquired. Dylandra. I could easily text Lowen, but she has too many secrets. I could easily text Naryna, but-

Wait. I could easily text Naryna.

I deleted Dylandra's number out of my phone, deciding that this was where I drew the line in the sand. I'd focus my energy on Lowen and figure out if she'd be good for me or not. To decide what type of person she truly is...or what type of person she wishes to mold herself into, not who her mother wants her to be. I've been with girls who had strict or controlling parents.

I have a set of my own.

But it's too much. I needed a balance, a darkness to my light. Was that Lowen Jaimes?