𝐃𝐄𝐏𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐃

40

HER PREY

"Girl talk," Naryna announced as the three of us sat on her bed, a pile of junk food between us and snacks, on a metal tray. "Has anybody got some lately?" She then gave me a look, "You don't even gotta tell us, Casei."

"Shit, got what? Got in trouble for sneakin' out to see this cute ass enby witta fatty? Hell yeah," Channin grinned. "You know my type."

"What did you two do?" I asked curiously, laying back on Naryna's pillow as I ate some Chips Ahoy cookies.

"Hmm, a little bit of this, a little bit of that," Channin waved her hand around, giggling, "Moral of the story is, the night ended with both of us satisfied. Oh, and they left a virgin no more," she added, with a smirk.

"Clearly, Channin had a great time," I laughed, then I focused in on Naryna. "What about you, Miss Chasity Belt?" I joked.

"You already know. I'm stayin' a virgin until marriage and that's that. It's what my parents expect of me," Naryna shrugged, "It's what we should all be followin'."

"And why is that?" Channin asked, popping a caramel chocolate into her mouth, nearly eating a strand of her own hair that was plopped into a messy bun almost identical to Naryna's.

"You don't wanna be spoiled for your future significant other," she stated, "And a man appreciates a woman he can teach. Too much experience is...a put-off, in other words," she claimed. Channin chuckled, and I knew that little laugh anywhere. They were definitely about to argue.

"What if we don't care about how a man views the societal concept that is virginity? You do know that doesn't really exist, right? Society just made it up."

Naryna sighed, "I'm not doin' this with you today, Channin. My beliefs are my beliefs."

"Why do you have two gay best friends, then?" I asked out of nowhere. "Well, Channin's pan, but still, you get me," I added, gesturing to Naryna's cousin.

"'Cause I love you bitches, now respect my values and reasons for my religion, and let's have a fun night," Naryna rolled her eyes.

"Where the liquor at, cuzzo?" Channin asked, pretending to search around the room, her hands cupped over her eyes, "All I see is a TV, a bed, maybe a vibrator-

"My parent's are out," Naryna stated, and it was met with a sigh from the both of us, "but luckily I got a little something underneath the floorboards behind my nightstand," she winked.

Someone knocked on the bedroom door, and we paused our conversation as Naryna's mother walked in.

She was an older version of her, streaks of grey along her frizzy-straight hair, pinned back with a silver pendant as she stood before us in a flowing, white nightgown. "Casei, your parents are here," she announced, clasping her hands together, "They told me to tell you, um....'And we motherfuckin' mean it'," she added.

"I gotta go, y'all," I sighed, "If I survive tonight, I'll pay you back for the memorial that you should start plannin' right now," I half joked.

Naryna and Channin gave me side hugs as I left the room. I cracked one last smile at the two of them before I entered the dark hallway, following Naryna's mother down it. It was one long stretch, a window at the end the only thing allowing the house any illumination via the moon.

I carefully made my way downstairs to see my parents posted up by the front door, in night clothes with scowls, and my mother with her infamous belt.

"Good luck, Casei," Naryna's mother whispered before sending me towards them. "I hope you have a great night, Johnston's," she smiled kindly.

"Thanks," my mother nodded at her, "Expect this one to be out of your hair for awhile."

"Oh, Casei's never a bother-

"She is around where I stay," my mother grumbled.

We left out, my parents flanking behind me like prison guards as I got into the backseat of the Town and Country. As soon as the doors closed and we arrived at the stop sign on the end of Naryna's street, my father turned the radio down.

"I'm very disappointed in you, Casei."

Why? Your only proud moments concerning me are when I'm the most unhappy.

"I'm sorry. I'm just under a lot of stress after losin' my job. I only wanna make y'all proud, and I keep lashin' out instead. I'm really tryin'," I lied. I could care less about losing that job, but anything to make them feel heard. Anything to make them feel like they're in the right.

"I understand, Casei. But you do get that you need to apologize to your mother, correct?" he confirmed, his country twang so soft.

"Yes, sir," I replied softly.

I fumbled with my hands for a moment.

"Mom?"

She didn't say anything, but I saw her head twitch.

"I'm sorry for what I said to you."

No, I'm not. You said those same words to me.

"I wish we were closer...I do try. I know we both do."

You disgust me, a connection is no longer wanted.

"I hope you can forgive me. I did want a sibling...I was still comin' around to the idea of havin' one," I told her, that part was honest, "So it was kind of a hard moment for me, too. I lashed out."

"I could...lash out in so many moments, Casei," my mother said quietly, nearly not letting me finish my sentence. "But I don't." I could see her press her lips together in a firm line in the mirror. "I keep my calm and my cool, and I do what I have to...as a wife and as a mother."

But you don't.

You tolerate. You endure.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied softly.

"Go to your room when we get home," she said.

"Yes, ma'am."

You want me to tolerate and endure, too.

You want me to turn out like you.

My dad turned the radio back up, a weather forecast and traffic report. Light sprinkles started to come down onto the window until we were in an all-out storm. Almost home, and the car was drenched in water, slow oldies playing, and blurred, red car lights.

Where is my adult role model when I need 'em?

Where's my insight of the future...my hope?