𝐃𝐄𝐏𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐃

41

HER PREDATOR

I'm this close to not caring. Actually, a centimeter away from it. We were having the spoiled brat talk again, yada yada yada, at the dinner table. I forked through my spaghetti and greens, staring down at my plate like it was a death sentence; shoveling food in my mouth and wishing that my parents would shut up.

"You have nothing to say tonight, Lowen?" my mother drunkly demanded.

One of the rare occurrences of a family dinner, and it had to be ruined by my parent's marriage problems. Why couldn't they understand that I just wanted stability? I had needs I wanted met too...I wanted their emotions to be positive towards one another, even if that's only a distantly achievable thing now.

"No," I shrugged tiredly, eating my food.

I hadn't said one thing...the assumption of my quietness had been enough to spark up the argument that I had no real substance to me, and that since I wasn't eagerly following in either of my parents' steps then I'd be a failure.

"You always have something to say, Low," my mother taunted, "What is it today?" she asked in a sugary sweet voice. She clanged her utensils against the table, "What? Is it my greens? Is it the spaghetti? What's bothering you now, sweet child? Should Mommy the Maid go and fix you something else to eat? Should I wipe your mouth too, when it gets dirty?"

"You're oversteppin' your boundaries, dear," my father mumbled; one to speak since he hadn't touched his plate at all. Probably thinks she poisoned it. I'm no longer surprised by a thing this woman does anymore so, could have?

"What boundaries? She's a child," my mother argued.

"You wanted to keep her," my father reminded her quietly, glancing my way like I couldn't hear his words, "I told you...there were other alternatives, and yet you still were insistent. The businesses were young back then and still fresh. We could have soared and been so much more. I'm doin' this for you. And she's almost out the cocoon."

"Eighteen soon, right," she grunted.

"Yes," I answered quietly.

Her eyes floated over me like I wasn't even there, maybe she hadn't been talking to me. "I have regrets, but they'll soon be in dust," she pretended to rub her hands away from her mistakes, "and I'm not payin' for college unless your area is worthy of it."

"Alright," I answered again.

"Say something!" she screamed, gripping the edges of her plates, her eyes wide as she stared at me. Her chest moved up and down in a thin, red blouse she had worn to a meeting today. "Any other night you'll demean me. Curse at me. Slam these doors! But tonight you want to be a daddy's girl in front of daddy, right?"

"I'm not tryin' to start any trouble," I looked over at my father.

"Nuh-uh! Look at me! Not him," my mother shouted, banging her hand on the table. "I'm the one workin' at home. Not in Africa where my business has most of its roots. I'm the one who has made the most sacrifices. I sacrificed for you before you could even say thank you, and now that you can-

"You want me to pick sides and I'm not doin' that," I snapped. She wanted to see me angry, well, my anger was lukewarm right now, but it could boil.

She laughed, looking around, "Who said I wanted you to pick any sides? You're crazy, girl."

"Don't call me that. That's the one thing you won't do," I stated, standing up at the end of the table.

"Or what, girl?" my mother demanded, standing too.

My dad stood up quickly, both his arms outstretched between the two of us. "I thought you girls were fine, where did this tension come from, huh?"

"Your wife," I told him harshly, I let out a shuddery sigh. "Can I be excused, or whatever?"

"You wanted this dinner, so sit," my mother screamed.

"She goes out to the club every other night when you aren't here. Who knows what she does," my mother shrieked as I spoke, sounding like an animal, "and she tries to defend her actions with the fact that you aren't around enough to give her love," I told my father. I sat down a fork I hadn't even realized I had been clutching, "I'm going to bed, now."

"Okay, Lowen," he sighed quietly, shaking his head at my mother.

"After all the strings we pulled for you, ungrateful child!" my mother shouted at me. "You're so evil! Your heart is pure evil! I knew something was wrong with you when I had you!" she cried, holding her stomach as tears poured out of her eyes. "I just want somebody to appreciate me around here! I have sacrificed! I am tired of being ignored and unseen around here when I've put just as much into this family's success and this house as your father!"

"Maybe even more," my father was saying as I left out of the dining room, "and you should be appreciated more for that, love. And I'm sorry that I'm not around more for you and Lowen. Clearly, it's havin' an effect on the both of your state of minds..."

I climbed up the stairs to my room, my right hand shaking on the railing as I forced myself up each step. My mother's shrieking was stuck in my head even though now it sounded like my father had gotten her way more calmer. Perhaps it was just my distance from the dining room, though. She had sounded so much like animal, that I had imagined ripping her in two just like one.

Doing everything that I had done to the ones who came before Mystery and who will come after. She claims she wants appreciation and thank you's and praise when that's the same damn thing that I want. She wants praise for doing something she should want to do anyways as a mother...and I just want my due affection from my parents.

I softly closed my bedroom door behind me, sighing once I was finally alone in my own stomping grounds. I went over to my jewelry box and rubbed my finger along a mostly smooth bird talon, keeping my tears at bay.

I need a release. And soon.