i'm sorry...for everything (Kaveh Angst)

Chapter 1: Hidden

"He tried as hard as he could."

"He ruined every chance he had."

"No matter what he did, nothing was right."

"He's useless and lazy."

"Why is he still alive?"

Kaveh couldn't sleep at all that night because he was too busy thinking about all of the things people said about him.

He layed there in bed, staring at the ceiling with a blank face while his mind was running wild.

"You don't deserve to live."

"You're worthless."

"You can't do anything right."

"It's all your fault."

Kaveh turned to his side and covered his ears, hoping that would make the voices go away.

It didn't.

"You're so pathetic."

"Everyone looks down on you."

"You don't belong."

"You should just die."

His eyes widened at the last sentence. "Shut up..." he whispered, tearing up.

"Why are you still alive?"

"You have no purpose."

"You mess everything up."

"You get in everyone's way."

Kaveh sat up and got out of bed, limping to the bathroom. He locked the door once he got inside and grabbed his boxcutter.

"It wouldn't hurt to do this...right? I deserve it anyways..." Kaveh sat down and leaned against the wall, staring at the boxcutter.

<TW: SH SKIP TO "He dropped the blade and pulled his hair">

He sighed and put the boxcutter against his wrist and cut it. He began to do it several times on each wrist as he cried silently.

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"Why am I like this...?"

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"Why am I not enough..?"

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"I can't take it anymore.."

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"It hurts.."

Kaveh dropped the blade and pulled his hair. "I don't want to be here anymore..."

Just then, his alarm clock rang. Kaveh sighed and wrapped his wrists with bandages, covered them with his sleeves, hid the boxcutter, and left to shut off his alarm.

Once he turned off his alafm clocked, he went back to the bathroom to get changed.

Kaveh looked at himself in the mirror when he finished.

"I look like shit.."

He sighed, looking at his pale skin, dark eye bags, and puffy red eyes from crying.

"It doesn't matter anyways.."

He let out another sigh and began to do his normal morning routine.

Once he finished, he walked out of his room to make breakfast.

As usual, he saw Alhaitham sitting on the couch reading a book.

Alhaitham paid no attention to Kaveh and continued to read his book. Kaveh sighed and continued his way to the kitchen.

As he opened the cabinet and reached for some cereal, he heard a voice.

"You don't deserve to eat."

Kaveh paused at that. "What..?"

"What, Kaveh?" Alhaitham turned around to see Kaveh frozen. He looked at Kaveh and raised an eyebrow. "You okay, Kaveh?"

Hearing Alhaitham's voice, Kaveh snapped back to reality. "Uh, yeah. Sorry.." Kaveh looked at Alhaitham and scratched the back of his neck nervously.

Alhaitham shrugged and went back to reading. Relieved, Kaveh sighed and went back to get the cereal, but then he paused again.

Oh yeah...I don't deserve food...

Kaveh closed the cabinet and went back to his room empyty handed. Alhaitham raised his head as he watched Kaveh.

Even if he didn't seem like it, Alhaitham was extremely worried for Kaveh. The other wasn't acting as he usually would.

Alhaitham wanted to ask Kaveh about it, but he couldn't bring himself to, knowing he wasn't the best at talking about those feelings himself.

Kaveh noticed Alhaitham watching him, and he tried to ignore him, but the voices wouldn't shut up.

"He's judging you."

Kaveh frowned at that and left to go to his room.

"Why do I even bother anymore..?"