Letters of Sorrow | Soukoku angst

Letter #1

TW :
- Suicide
- Depictions of suicide

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To Osamu Dazai,

I can't believe you actually did it. You've left me behind here... You've left me to suffer here, you bastard. I hate you.

You said you stopped, liar. I shouldn't have expected much from the executive who betrayed the Port Mafia.

I guess I will start from the beginning of my down-spiral and the end of yours.

It's been 2 weeks since I found you like that...

I still remember so vividly. The blade covered in blood, the pill bottles, the liquor, the smell of cigarette smoke in that bathroom. They still can't get the blood stain out of the tiles. Even after death, you're a pain in the ass. Your stupid note didn't help anything...

Was I not good enough?

I wasn't worth living for?

Those stupid apologies that you wrote down didn't mean shit if you were just going to kill yourself anyway.

I always thought you were waiting until you found a woman. You always rambled on and on about double-suicide.

I'll be honest when I say that I was jealous that you never asked me to join you in a double-suicide even though we both knew I would've said no.

I miss you.

I hate you.

I love you.

I loved you, Osamu. I still do. It may be weird.

I hope you still love me, Chibi.