Letters of Sorrow | Soukoku angst

Letter #5

I'll be here for a bit.

The doctor came in this morning. He told me that I have liver damage from excessive drinking. Damn it.

I've been temporarily suspended from my position as a Port Mafia executive for my time here. They're not allowing me to work and if I don't get over this, I'll probably never get my position back. It fucking sucks.

It sucks being an executive, it sucks being a patient. What does being just a normal person feel like? I feel like I failed. I failed to be an executive, my only real achievement in this lifetime. 

I know that we didn't really trust each other, but I was your partner who protected you even if it was risky. I hate knowing that you didn't trust me enough to confide in me with your thoughts. I knew you were a suicidal freak but why?! Why? Why couldn't you tell anyone, it didn't have to be me, just anyone. You never told anyone. Low.

I haven't had a single visit and it's lonely. The only visits I get are from my doctor and the nurse asking me "Can I get you anything?" like they haven't asked that several times in an hour.

They said that my liver is completely damaged, their looking for a donor. They plan on a transplant. Oh, Dazai; it sucks here. Take me with you. Please.

Why did you not warn me, or anyone? Not a single call or text was found on your phone that night. Sure, you bugged the shit out of about everyone you met, but that didn't mean we didn't care for you. You still annoy the hell out of everyone because your absensce is deafening. You were some people's reason to keep going in life, you pushed some people to become who they are today. Now, you've abandoned them, and for some, its again.

Aku hasn't texted me back and I'm worried. That boy better not have done something stupid.

I have to go.

I hate you. 

----

Chuuya puts his pen down on the hospital bedside table. He looks around the hospital room; It's quiet and empty. He jumped at the sound of knocking on his room door. A nurse walked in, slowly creaking the door open, peering her little face in. 

"Mr.Nakahara? I'm just checking in on you, are you feeling alright?" She smiles. Despite the fact that this was a hospital only for the Port Mafia, the doctors and nurses still acted like any normal hospital staff. "Are you hungry or anything?" She asks another question.

Chuuya barely processes the questions a few moments later. "No... I'm fine. I-" He hesitates for a moment. "Can I get another sheet of paper? I used up this one. He held the piece of paper that had words scribbled all over it.

She nodded and left.

He didn't actually need the piece of paper. He had another side of the paper to write on. He felt like the nurses were trying to force him to request something, so he did. But, maybe he'd need the paper.

He sighed. Chuuya was exhausted. He shut his eyes. He didn't even wait for the nurse to come back.

"Goodnight" He heard a familiar voice before he fell into his slumber.