The Infinite White

Chapter 42 - Change Fate

I stood staring at the white wood grain door, I studied the pattern as the lines extended and looped, the door was bigger than the rest of the doors, set apart from the rest of the house, this private wing was the home of Alpha Conrad and Luna June. On the other side was a fighting Luna, and a grieving son, but an absent Alpha and that can't continue, this pack is in chaos and they need their Alpha to help make sense of everything. My heart was nearly beating out of my chest, I knew the outcome if this conversation wasn't productive, if Holden didn't show me that he was in deed ready to put the pack first, above everything else, I needed him to be who he was meant to be, who his father raised him to be.
My knock was met with silence, but the two familiar heart beats on the other side of the door told me he was in there so I decided to enter, the room was dark, all you could hear were the gentle breaths of the Luna and the soft snoring of a sleeping Holden, his head resting on his arms as he leans on the bed beside his mother, bottom half still in the arm chair he pulled closer to the bed. I didn't want to wake him but his time for sleeping was over. I lightly shook him awake and he woke with a start, his eyes instantly going to his mom, probably hoping it was her who was waking him, but she wasn't getting better, anyone could tell, her heart was too weak; Holden's eyes turned to be a motioned for him to follow me, I knew who wouldn't go far so I stopped on the other side of the door, leaned against the opposite wall as I waited for Holden to the close the door behind him,
"What is it?" He asks, his eyes red and dry, his voice hoarse,
"You need to stop this Holden" I started, "Your pack needs you" he sighed in annoyance and rolled his eyes,
"This is what you called me out here for?" He went to head back in the room but I lunged forward and pinned his shoulders to the wall behind him,
"Yes" I growl, "You are the Alpha, Holden, the pack is looking for answers, for clarity on where they go from here, about what happened at the meeting, about your mom, everything, you can't spend all your time holed up in this room, when the pack is falling apart" I didn't raise my voice but my tone was stern enough for him to not test me.
"I know these past couple of weeks have been hard, there has been so much change, with me becoming the Infinite White, your dead being the killer then he wasn't the killer, you becoming Alpha, your mom, I know you want to cling onto anything that still holds some sense, and your mom has always made sense to you and for you but Holden you need to start putting the pack first, They are your family, the ones who would live and die at your command, you can't stay here waiting for your mom to die" now it was his turn, he growled and threw me against the wall across from us,
"No one said she was dying" he spat at me,
"Come on Holden, everyone can tell she's not strong enough to survive the injuries she received from that attack"
"I would watch your words very carefully Lily" he threatened,
"Or what?" I challenge, "You'll punish me, beat me, kill me?"
"All you care about is other people Lily, but what about me? When my dad was convicted I had no one to turn too, and now my mom, I am spiralling and I don't know what way is up anymore"
"You pushed me away, remember? I am the only one in this relationship who is giving my everything, half of me to you and the other half to the wolves, I have nothing left of myself anymore. I spent so much time setting up that treaty, risked my life more than once to bring peace so everyone can know safe, everyone can know peace, everyone can live. I have sacrificed my soul for the wolves, for you and you can't even get up off your ass and try and lead your pack, you leave it to me, Cooper, Viceras and Cole to do, these are your people Holden. Whether it was your mother or father doesn't matter anymore, we are going to war, with the hunters? With the demon wolf? Both? Nobody knows all we do know is we are as weak as our leader and right now, we're pretty god damn weak" his eyes darkened at me threatening his authority, he didn't like what he was hearing but regardless he needed to hear it, he needed to feel it,
"This pack is used to strong leadership, your dad, was a strong Alpha, but he put his love for his mate ahead of his love for the pack and that put us in danger, don't repeat his mistakes Holden, be the Leader the pack deserves, the leader you promised you would be the night your accepted becoming Alpha, everyone looked  to you then as they are looking to your know only you're not there" his breathing was deep and shallow, it shook with every exhale as he looked at me with so much anger I could feel the fire burning inside him,
"You do not get to interfere with how I run the pack, and I won't be doing anything until I make sure my mother makes it through this, then we can sit down and plan out what we're going to do, the pack will survive as we have for generations, we are the strongest pack in North America, that doesn't just disappear" he answered me, I felt defeated, something shrivelled inside me, a sharp pain I couldn't describe in the pit of my stomach, I felt like I was going to throw up.
"What happens next... " I went to pin it on him, I want it to be his fault and in some way it is but this was my decision and I need to own that, I stopped myself, and looked him dead in the eye, "I'm sorry" was all I said before I left his presence.