The Dead Boy's Guide To Second Chances

bonus chapter: part three

Four Times Oliver Sallow Got Caught Staring at Finn O'Connell

(+1 Time He Didn't Look Away)

3. Secret

Seventeen years old. Blissby feels more like home now than any other town ever has. So does Finn O'Connell.

They've been seeing each other for a few months. It's... good. It's really good. It's so good, Oliver sometimes feels a little sick to his stomach with dread that one day it won't be.

Part of him—the flighty part that is always waiting for the news that he has to leave, the terrified part that wants to run—is amazed that they've lasted this long. But the truth is, most of the time, it's impossibly easy. In the mornings, Oliver wakes up with a small flutter in his chest, knowing that there's a message waiting on his phone from Finn. At school, he waits until the corridors have cleared to slip notes into Finn's locker.

(They feel different from their normal texts. The letters he collects in his coat pocket, passed back and forth between them, feel like proof; the idea of Finn unfolding them beneath his desk makes his heart pound. He can't tell anyone about what the two of them are, but he can carry Finn's words close to his chest. He can't touch Finn, but he can trace his horrendous handwriting while he waits for him in the library—and isn't that almost as intimate?)

Really, Oliver doesn't mind the secrecy. There's a thrill in knowing that, while they're strangers to the rest of the school, they're each other's in all the ways that matter—in texts and in stolen moments in the library, in letters and in long glances across the courtyard.

That morning, Oliver stands just outside the school gates, a cigarette burning away between his fingers. It's miserably cold and pitch-black, but he can't bring himself to go inside just yet. He has History first period—arguably the worst subject to force teenagers into at eight in the morning.

He's on his last drag when he spots Finn getting off his bike, chaining it to a tree while Kavi and Aarun do the same. Oliver can't help but watch Finn, his heart fluttering in his chest as if whispering there he is there he is there he is.

Finn's posture is slouched and his hands are buried in the pockets of his windbreaker, his skin pale in the yellow light of the street lamps. When he passes Oliver his eyes briefly lift, holding onto Oliver's as he gives a tired smile. Then, one of Finn's friends slings an arm over his shoulders, and Oliver lets his gaze slide elsewhere.

Pulling out his phone, he texts: everything okay?

Finn responds halfway into Mr. Albert's monologue on propaganda during the Cold War. Sure :)

Oliver frowns down at his phone before sliding it back into his pocket.

The next time he sees Finn is during lunch in the cafeteria. He's sitting at a table with his football friends while Oliver sits with a book and a carefully cultivated air of Do not approach. While he mechanically shovels overcooked pasta into his mouth, Oliver watches Finn poke at his meal. He's cradling his chin in his hand like his head weighs too much to hold up on its own, and though he participates in the conversation at the table, his replies seem mostly monosyllabic.

when did you go to sleep last night? Oliver texts.

Finn checks his phone as it vibrates and shoots Oliver a look across the cafeteria. I was up late talking to this really fit guy.

Cheeks warming, Oliver decides to play along. oh really? do i know him?

A small pause as Finn has to dodge the pasta being launched at his head from across the table. Then: Dunno, but I saw him at school just now. If you run into him you should tell him that his hair looks really nice today.