antisocial || malum

eight

[TRIGGER WARNING]

calum

"ashton," i elbowed him, "why is everyone staring at me?" "well, i don't know who did it but someone found your twitter, told the whole school, and read your tweets. they came to a conclusion that your gay and sad.".

i widened my eyes holding my breath.

"how long did you know?"

"about 2-3 days."

"and you never fucking told me?" i yelled. i felt a tear roll down my cheek.

its all out, just like that.

i slammed my locker and ran into the boys bathroom. i entered the last stall and threw my book-bag on the floor, crying and crying.

-

for the rest of the day, i didn't speak at all. i just let them call me names.

'faggot'

'whore'

'disgusting'

'that cutter boy'

i was walking through the hallway almost to the door when one girl yelled to me, "why don't you just go home and kill yourself!" that made the hallway real quiet.

"maybe i fucking should!" i yelled back slamming the school door shut. i ignored ashton screaming my name and started running home.

-

i entered my bedroom and bursted out crying.

"this always happens! im always starting out with a good day and then fucking someone has to ruin that for me!" i screamed at myself. "i'm a fucking mistake. im fucking up everyone's lives! i'm mad at ashton for no apparent reason! i-i can't deal with it!" i shot up and started going threw my draws trying to find a sharp object.

suddenly i came a across a bag, long forgotten.

blades and cigarettes.

i haven't touched a cigarette in months. blades, three months.

i quickly took out the blade and placed the bag on my bed. the urge of just dragging the cold metal across my skin was making my arms shake.

just one calum, only one.

i placed it against my skin and dragged it across my skin, and did it again and again, and again. i watched as the blood dripped off my wrist to the comforter. the cuts covered my whole arm. "i've been clean for so long." i sobbed.

i need more.

no.

i quickly grabbed my phone and dialed michael's number.

"hello?" i heard michael's voice. i started crying again. "cal what happened?" he sounds worried. "i-i-i'm sorry. im so so so sorry mikey." i cried. "sorry for what baby?"

"i relapsed."

"why?" he was about to cry.

"p-people found my twitter and found out i was gay and sad and called me names and told me to kill myself and thats what i wanted to do."

"no no no no no, calum i swear to the lords i will fly all the way down there and slap some common sense into bitches. do you know how different everyones life's would be if you weren't in it anymore? it would effect so much people. even your dad! you don't know how much i need you in my life to be happy, to stay strong. don't do it calum," michael sniffed "take deep breaths and call me if this ever happens again, alright?"

"alright. bye mikey."

"bye cally, i lov--"

michael never finished because calum hung up.

-

i got up and ran to the bathroom, washing off the thick blood on my wrist. i wrapped it up and slipped off my shoes and my shirt.

you'll be okay, for now.