𝑈𝑛𝑠𝑎𝑖𝑑 𝐹𝑒𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 ♡

𝑇𝑟𝑎𝑢𝑚𝑎

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"Why are you so sensitive?"

"Why can't you stand up for yourself?"

"Why do always say sorry? Even if it isn't your fault?"

"Why do you blame yourself on everything?"

"Why are you so insecure?"

These are some of the thousands of questions that people ask about me, everyone always assumed that I have a good and happy life, because I always have a smile on my face.

No one even know that I always faked my smile, I pretend to be happy cause I think that if I told them about my problems, I'd be bothering them...

I never asked for help, I'm secretive of everything. I never reveal my feelings, there are only few people who I trust and has the true knowledge of my condition.

They never knew that I was suicidal, they never knew that I was broken and hurting, because I cover it all up with a smile.

Everyone wondered how did I stay so kind, in this miserable world...

The truth is...

I wanted to be cruel too... I wanted to be mean to people who are mean to me too, but I couldn't do it. It wasn't who I am...

Maybe I was too sensitive because of the hurtful words that my family have said to me.

Maybe I cry over everything because I can't cry out loud at home.

Maybe I was always there for you, because no one was ever there for me, I know how it feels.

Maybe I couldn't stand up for myself because I wasn't allowed to stand up for myself against my own parents. They're always right after all...

Maybe I always say sorry for everything and blame myself because my parents always blamed me for the things that they do.

Maybe I don't want to ask for help, because I don't want to be a burden like my parents said I was a burden to them.

Maybe I'm insecure because my own parents body shames me and compares me to my friends or my siblings.

Maybe I hate myself because from the very start, I feel like no one really loved me. Not even my own parents...

They're the one that's supposed to be my strength and comfort, but instead they're the reason why I want to kill myself. They are broken, and they broke me too.

They say they love me...
But I couldn't feel it.
They're supposed to be my home, but instead they are the darkness that's eating me all up little by little.

This is my trauma, my parents...

How can I escape?...

I need to heal myself, and start over without having to meet their expectations and comparisons.

I will love myself, and not care about what my parents or other people think of me...

Will you escape with me?

𝐷𝑎𝑡𝑒: