My crush on the cheerleader (edited)

Chapter nine

I got in my school uniform so I'm somewhat ready hoping it will slightly ease my mind.. If I'm honest I'm dreading this school day because today is the day I try to make amends with April.

***

I arrived at school where Tess was waiting for me, normally it's Tess and April waiting for me but I guess April wouldn't wait after what happened. All day I tried to find April but couldn't see her anywhere, no one mentioned her being ill or anything but me finding out anything would probably be the last thing she wanted.

***

School was fine but it turns out April didn't come in today. Tess finally told me that information at the end of the day when I'd told her about my plan to go see April. She thought it was an awful idea but here I am standing at April's door right now. The big wooden door looks as if it's looming over me, the dark shadow cascading down on my face like a stream of water. The light autumn sky made the shadow seem bigger and engulf me in darkness. I raised my shaking hand hesitantly wondering if I should just walk away. I can do this another time I told myself. She doesn't want to speak to me anyway but what if it gets worse aftertime? If I do it now, hopefully she'll hate me less. Stop procrastinating just knock on the door.

So I did.

April's mum answered, her hair is in a neat ballet bun that goes well with her business outfit. She's wearing a skirt that goes down to her knees with a blouse tucked into it. Her black blazer is neatly done up and fitted perfectly, she is also wearing shiny high heels (even though she's inside) that match her blazer and skirt. She always looks professional and pristined so much that it intimidates me. Even her stance is powerful but her face is kinder.

"Hey Addison, I Haven't seen you in ages." Although she looks kind, I can't help but think she's judging me. Ever since I've been friends with April she has always acted colder than others I'd met.

"Hi, can I see April?" I asked timidly. I've always been nervous in front of April's mum, I think it's because she has that high-importance-power vibe. Or the fact that she is lowkey attractive.

"Oh. I don't know if she wants visitors," her mum replied suddenly, not as welcoming as before. Her brows furrow, slightly obscuring her perfect deminor.

"I just need to go over some homework, it won't take long," I said looking up at her with pleading eyes. The guilt has been building in me all day, if I don't talk to her soon i don't know what will happen. It could possibly be like the time I accidentally stepped on an old woman's foot and was laying in bed for days thinking about it before it drained me so much I passed out in class. Hopefully I won't do that again to be fair at the time I was around twelve. I bet I could stay up a lot longer now.

"Fine. She's upstairs in her room," April's mum said curtly. Her face is pinched as I walk awkwardly around her trying to avoid as much eye contact as possible.

The hallway area before the stairs is big leaving enough room to have a table with some flowers in the middle of it. I stood before the massive staircase willing myself to go up. Please April forgive me, I tell myself before taking a deep breath with my first step.

***

From the outside of April's room I can hear her sad music blasting through the walls. At the moment I can hear a Lewis Capaldi song. Shit, maybe I was even worse than I thought. Her face flashes as she goes to kiss me for a second. I've really messed up, what if she never forgives me?

Knocking lightly on the door I walked in. April is laying on her bed doing something on her phone. Her hair is in a messy top knot and she is wearing no makeup, revealing the bags under her eyes.

"Hello," I said awkwardly, crossing my arms self-consciously.

"Go away," she growled coldly.

"No, we need to talk," I started raising my voice slightly.

"What if I don't want to?" she challenged me to look up from her phone properly, you could easily tell she was crying and I couldn't help the pang of guilt I felt because of it. It was my fault, if only I had reacted differently we wouldn't be needing to have this conversation right now. Instead I messed up and was a horrible friend because of it.

"We have to sort things out," I responded, searching for the right words. Maybe I should have planned more ahead but I'm here now and I have to do this no matter how hard it is.

"Sort what out Addison! The way that I have feelings for you? Or the way that I made a fool of myself for thinking that maybe there was a slight chance you actually liked me like that? And I'm such an idiot for thinking that the girl I've been in love with since we were little would like me!" April shouted.

I looked at her perplexed by what she had said. She's in love with me? I have no idea what to say. My mouth keeps on opening and closing so much I probably look like a fish right now; trying to find any words that would work. Throughout the years I didn't even consider that she felt anything other than friendship towards me and what about the guy she liked. My head starts to pulse, brewing a headache. My fingers run my temples in an attempt to ease the pain, "Wow..." Out of all the words in the world my mind could only come up with wow. I'm mentally hitting myself with how stupid and selfish I'm being.

"Pfft all you can say is 'wow". You're ridiculous! You're acting like you didn't know then have the audacity to come to my house because what you think I'll just accept your mediocre apology in attempts to be what Addison. Friends? No thanks, I'm good. I'd rather not be friends with a backstabbing idiotic brat like yourself and the cherry on top is that you outed me to Tess. I mean really! Could you be any more absurd," she cried.

"Okay, April I deserved that but I truly am sorry. Especially about outing you to Tess, it was wrong of me. I'll just umm go, text me when you're ready to talk." Walking out of her room I can't help but look back into the gap from the ajar door. Taking a deep breath I push open the door making my way back into the room. She now has the music that she had paused back on. I can't just leave.

"In fact I'm not okay," I say walking back in "This isn't going to get any better if we don't talk."

"Don't you know how to leave me alone?" April responded bluntly.

"I would like it if we could all stay friends," I said shyly looking at her pleadingly, "this friendship can't be over. Come on April we've been friends for years it'd be ludicrous to lose it all after one kiss"

"Addison you're not getting it. That wasn't just a kiss for me, I've been longing to do that for years. Yes I know I kissed Gareth at the party but I thought if I spoke about him you'd get jealous. Some small snippet of my mind actually believed you could like me, I now know I was foolish to believe that you would like anyone but yourself" April said looking down in her lap biting her bottom lip "It would be too hard."

"Okay, I-I understand," I replied walking out the room and shutting the door behind me. Once it had shut I whispered "Goodbye April." Every word she'd said hit me like a ton of bricks. Am I really that horrible? How did I not see the signs of her liking me? That answer is easy. I was too wrapped up in Blair yet again being self centred as April would say. It's not like she's been a saint either but I know what I've done in the past few days is worse than what she's done in a lifetime. Somehow eventually I'll make it up to her, even if we're not friends I want her to at least know how profoundly sorry I am.

Walking downstairs her Mum led me out the door not asking what had gone on. I'm guessing she could see something was wrong by the tears threatening to spill out my eyes.

Walking down the street the tears escape my eyes, harshly wiping them away. I try not to think of this being the end of our friendship.