shadows of the past

you

Staring at a bottomless pit
Complaining with no reason but am I sick?
No, I just needed someone to pick me up;
To bring me to a mountain and raise me to the top.

Black and white will be my style
Because my heart, mind and soul were nowhere for a while
Now, I needed someone to bring me back
And probably comfort me when it sucks.

I was at the edge of a needle
Longing for someone to give me a riddle
I was bored, so bored enough for a cool
Everyone was asking, "where is your soul?"

I feel like I don't have anything to call home
I was reminiscing the past as the sun shone
Then all of a sudden, you showed up!
I was so empty but you filled my cup.

You gave me love as you filled me with your joy
You gave me hope when you cared for me and never treated me like a toy
I'm now filled with passion, filled with my spirit,
Filled with happiness; now I wonder, how did you do it?

You... brought me back to life.
You gave me your best and never made me cry.
I promise! I will never let you go.
You'll never regret giving me your everything...
...because I love you so.

***

I wrote this when I was in eighth grade... so probably when I was around fourteen. So obviously, my take on this is now different.

That time, I fell in love.

It was the prime of my love life! (Kidding.) He was the best man, actually until now I can still say that. He was a husband material. My ideal husband.

But then my feelings were not as deep as his. Like I said, I was in my early teens. It was a crucial stage of being attracted or infatuated. Plus, I was a broken soul. So it was so easy to make me swerve lanes.

And when I found a deeper version of love, that's when I realized that I wasn't in love enough. That there is much more out there and it was too early for me to settle for that type of love.

My love for him was a bare minimum level.

As you can read on that poem, my view of love that time was too shallow. I was needy and immature.

So I did what I had to do... I let him go.

And now, I am so proud that he found the love he deserves! I am so happy for him.

I realized that what I did was selfless. Imagine if I kept him? I would never like to see him regret living with the kind of love I was giving. He deserves to have what he's worthy of.

I'm happy he got it. Finally. 

blackrose