Seeking Summer

Chapter 5 : Everything has changed

SR : Everything has changed - Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran

          Me and Gavin decide to go to a local coffee shop just a few minutes away from the restaurant we were at. It was a decent sized place with not many people around.
Both of us ordered cold coffee, which made me think about how when we were kids, both of us had similar likes in terms of food.

So here's a little glimpse of my past ~

Gavin and I became friends when I was just 7 years old, and he was 10. Our family had moved into a new small neighborhood and his and my house were next to each other. He used to be really mean back in the days. He always used to mess with me, and by the way, so did I. All the other kids in the neighborhood were almost my age too, so we all used to play together and he, being the oldest among us all, used to lead us.

I was the only child in the family, and so was he. We'd sit together in gatherings even though we told everyone how much we disliked each other. We told each other made-up stories and believed them. We discussed any drama in school and talked about it like we were totally better than all of them. We talked about leaving this old place and living in our own big houses with big cars.

We went to the same school till middle school, and he used to ignore me in school, by the way. He told me he started to like this one girl in his class. She was gorgeous, and I was extremely jealous. That was my first encounter with insecurities. I complained about all the things she had that I didn't. That was also when I started to become rude with him more than ever before.

I realised I started to like him when we used to play in teams, and I started to get sad when I wasn't in his team. It made me furious, but I played it cool all the time. I suddenly started to be happy when he would joke around and irritate me. Any interaction between us made me so happy that it was unbearable to live without him irritating me. It was a really werid feeling for a 13 years old girl. I didn't tell even a single soul about it cause it made me feel so weak. I was scared to name this feeling. It felt wrong, but it made me happy.

Time passed by and created a distance between us two. He moved to a new, bigger neighborhood, and I, too, finally left our childhood place behind to continue with high school.

After that, I did have a silly crush on a few boys. It made me feel so anxious and nervous around them. I knew these boys won't like me back. They didn't know me after all, and neither did i ever break my walls. I tried so hard to be liked, to be funny and cool. But I liked that feeling of having a crush on someone. It kept me occupied and distracted from the real world. Until it didn't.
I got tired of a one-sided approach. All my friends already had at least dated two boys in high school, and all I could have was a silly crush.

My first relationship was a complete mess. I was in my 2nd year of college, and so was my first ever boyfriend, Alex. We had different courses, but we met through a mutual friend. We used to hang out together when we went out with the college friends, and when he asked me for a casual date, I jumped on the opportunity. You can say it was peer pressure, too. I liked him at first, he looked after me and we used to go to college together all the most every day when we had the same timings. It made me happy that I finally had a boyfriend, but that happiness didn't last long.

He had a childhood friend, too, and she joined our college mid-term. He started to spend a lot of time with her now, helping her out with the college campus. Sometimes, I felt that she intentionally called him up for the most minor inconveniences. I needed her to leave. I told Alex how I felt, and he told me I was too selfish. I used to call him again and again when he didn't pick up my call. I'd send him long text messages so he'd know he's hurting me. I'd express my darkest emotions for him to feel guilty. I did everything just so he could look at me once, but he never did.