Shifting Tides || Jeremiah Fisher

1.

My family's been going to Susannah's beach house ever since we were babies.

Half my heart belonged there. I mean, I didn't think I was capable of feeling homesick of a place I've never lived in! Going to Cousins with Belly, Stevie, and Mom is the one thing I look forward to all year.

But things change.

Don't get me wrong, I love spending time there with everyone, and late night walks at the beach, but, I don't know, it just gets repetitive, at times? That's what I tell myself, anyways, but I'll always know the true reason.

I had a falling out with Jeremiah Fisher.

He was the closest, most important person in my life, and I could never forget the memories I shared with him. All my life I had loved him more than just some boy I visited during the summer, more than just a best friend, I love him to my heart's deepest core, and I ruined it all. When Mom and Dad got a divorce, I fell into the darkest times of my life. All my life, my father and Jeremiah were the most important people to me. When Dad left, I pushed him away, and I feel so stupid and worthless for doing so. Coming back this summer won't mend anything, but I want Jere and everyone else to know I've healed.

"Uh, can you guys turn it down a little?" Mom yelled out. "Nat, are you okay?" My attention diverted from my window to her.

Mom has been asking me if I was okay a lot more lately.

"Of course, I'm okay! I just can't wait to see Susie again." I smiled at her reassuringly, squeezing her hand.

She smiled back at me, and I continued my journey looking outside. Truthfully, I'm not okay. I'm still afraid of what Jeremiah thinks of me after two years of not seeing each other. I've changed a lot, physically and emotionally alongside Belly, but I will never stop thinking about him. I will forever and always, recreate the memories I had with him in my mind. I am completely aware of the fact he hates my guts, but that will never stop me from loving his.

"...do you need a curfew for? You don't go anywhere!" Steven laughs out, received with a glare from Belly.

"Don't be a jackass, Steven. Belly, we'll talk about it when something comes up."

Belly and Mom went to grab some snacks while Me and Steven stayed in the car.

"You know, I'm really glad you decided to come this summer." Steven said, looking at me through the rear view mirror.

"Ah, it's nothing.." I assured back. I hated that all three of them began being nicer to me, if anything, I was the bitch who pushed everyone away.

"...But I don't want you being emo and sulky all the time. There's tons of fun in Cousins." Steven continued, earning an eye roll from me.

"Okay okay, as long as you don't try hitting on every asian chick you walk by." I joke, kicking the back of his seat. The rest of the ride was mostly uneventful when Mom and Bells came back. I frequently made a few remarks, but it was tranquil. As Mom pulled into the driveway, There was an uneasy mix of apprehension and eagerness building within me. Despite it all, a flicker of excitement ignited in my heart when the beach house evoked a flood of nostalgia, reminding me of the laugh, the stories, and the love shared within those walls.

Everything came to a sudden halt as I saw Jeremiah's expression when he caught my silhouette in the car.  It almost prevented me from  getting out of the car, but I had a grin plastered on my face when I opened the door masking the guilt and remorse I felt towards him.

I caught Conrad's eyes first, though, and dashed towards him, launching myself into a much-needed bear hug that I had been longing for.

"How's it going, Natty?" he whispered into my hair.

"It's, going." I say back to him, my grin never faltering.

"I've missed you, Nat. Looks like I'll have to bury you in the sand once more, just to make sure you never leave me again," Conrad said playfully, with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

"Okay Connie, I was half convinced that was your secret plot to murder me."

"Well, you caught me. Bummed it didn't work out." He sent a wink flying my way, and greeted my mom.

I was left alone amidst the people I love so dearly, when my gaze met Jeremiah's. I witnessed a transformation on his sun kissed face, a fleeting shift from happiness to sadness. It pierced my heart knowing all too well that I was the reason, the source of his inner strife. It broke me to know the pain I had inflicted upon him.

There he was, standing before me, his gaze piercing through the distance that had separated us for two long years.

"Hey, hey, guys, guys. I mean, I-I don't know about you, but I... Well, I-I think it's time for a... For a..." Steven excitedly interrupted, Jeremiah joining a second later, "Belly flop!"

Received by all of our approval, except Belly's of course, Jeremiah and Steven swiftly grabbed my sister, who let out a playful squeal. With a synchronized motion, they ran to the pool and launched her into the water. Everyone grinning ear to ear, my heart swelled with relief and joy as I witnessed, and was a part of, the enduring bond between the five of us. 

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

As the greetings and reunions unfold, I quietly slip past and into the house, purposefully avoiding any interaction with Jeremiah. Every step I take toward the house is filled with a mixture of emotions, I fear that my presence could inflict more pain upon him.

I walk into the house with my hands shoved in my pockets, welcomed by my Mom who entered before me.

"Hey, Mom. Uh, I'm gonna go unpack." I say, mustering a genuine smile as she acknowledges my words with a nod. I sprint upstairs, breezing past Belly's and Steven's rooms, until I reach the door to my own. As I swing it open, a rush of memories floods my senses, reminding me of the cherished place this room holds in my heart. Everything remains untouched - the posters on the walls, the fading wallpaper, and that stuffed animal that I held so close to my heart. However, what truly captures my attention are the scattered pictures adorning my bookshelves. Each capturing precious moments between Jeremiah and me, a poignant reminder of the memories we shared, intensifying the weight of regret and remorse that already burdens my heart.

I embraced one photograph in particular, the one that captured the playful moment of him chasing me with a fish, a memory born from my odd fear of them back then. With a sigh, I reluctantly shift my focus downstairs, where the sound of commotion grabs my attention. Descending the staircase, I find the gathering below, everyone present except for myself.

Jeremiah's eyes meet mine first.

Susannah diverts her focus solely to me, her radiant smile blooming across her face as she extends her arms, enveloping me in a warm hug, her affectionate embrace nestling into my hair.

Susannah coos into my ears, "My dear Natalya, you grow more and more beautiful." In response, I offer her a grateful smile, as she pulls back slightly to look at me once more.

With her gentle touch, she strokes my hand and guides me towards the kitchen island, where some granola bars and other snacks await. Politely, I decline her offer, secretly hoping that her kindness isn't solely motivated by my past, but rather a genuine connection we share. Glancing over my shoulder, a silent longing in my heart to find Jeremiah's eyes one again, only to find him gone. With a tinge of disappointment, I excuse myself and make my way towards the patio, craving the scenery I had taken for granted two years ago.

I decide on a beach stroll, craving the refreshment it promises. However, as I arrive, a bittersweet sight unfolds before me—Jeremiah and Belly, engaged in playful laughter and a friendly race to reach the shore first. A conflicted smile graces my lips, a blend of guilt, regret, and the undeniable truth that I am the reason I am not in the place of Belly.

Despite this day not going in my favor, I refuse to let it ruin my summer.

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗