An Imperfect Science | Ikemen Sengoku

Chapter 19

She immediately regretted saying it.

You can't take it back now.

The expression on Mitsuhide's face shifted subtly as he contemplated what she had said. She had the strangest sense that she had hurt him, somewhere deep beyond his armour.

"That's an interesting way of putting it," he finally said, "We all wear many faces. It's true that I am no different."

"Mitsuhide, I..."

"Your faces, for instance, are endlessly fascinating to me. Princess. Botanist. Victim. Hero. So many more, shall I go on? Artist. Hosta-"

"Enough, Mitsuhide!"

"There is never enough when it comes to you, little mouse. Now, where was I?"

"Enough, I get it! I'm sorry, Mitsuhide, alright? That was a shitty thing for me to say."

"I accept your apology."

"Good."

"Will you sit down now?"

Ness crossed the room slowly, trying not to look as chastised as she felt. She sat down in front of Mitsuhide and took a deep breath, steeling herself for the battle ahead. Just think before you speak. Think before you speak. It's not hard.

"I'm sorry that I did not tell you about what I do, Ness."

"Mi-"

"I am not ashamed of what I do. I do not like it. It is what it is."

"Mitsuhide!"

"Yes, Ness?"

"Is this... what you wanted to talk to me about?"

"We need to have this conversation first."

"I don't want to have this conversation."

"I know. But here we are."

"We could... be somewhere else?"

"Your optimism continually astounds me."

Mitsuhide laughed softly and reached out to take her hands in his. She resisted the immediate urge to pull away. She watched his pale hands dwarfing hers, and took careful breaths, and relaxed into the sensation of his cool fingers wrapped around hers. 

When she finally braved a look at Mitsuhide's face, he... wasn't smiling. He looks tired. That was her first thought. Without the smile, his face had a weariness to it. This is your real face. That was her second thought. But I've thought that before and been wrong. He waited while she sorted through her thoughts, and he watched all of them unfolding on her face. There was no point even trying to hide anything.

"I need you to understand something, Ness. Listen closely."

"I'm listening."

"I would never do to you what I did to that man."

"Mitsu..."

It wasn't what she'd been expecting him to say. She hadn't known what to expect, in truth. Her response died in her throat. Her hands began to tremble in his, resisting all attempts to make them stop. His hands that did... what they did. His hands that clasped hers so gently... as if I might break. This is such a head-fuck.

"No, that's not quite what you need to hear, is it?"

"What are you..."

His sharp eyes met hers. She felt an immediate and visceral desire to flee the area before he could rip open the soft, vulnerable parts inside of her.