Love's Thorned Path. - Seongjoong smut.

Needed Cuts

Seonghwas POV
————————>

The whole day at school, Hongjoong was starring at me like I was a child. I was just talking with San, what worse things could've I done to myself than I did yesterday?

For more context, yesterday when my mom left, I started feeling so guilty that at one point I took a finished bottle and smashed it right into my head. Nobody knew that, just my mom who heard me falling on the glass pieces and screaming.

San kept on asking me about things but I just kept my mouth closed, I didn't want him to be more concerned than he already was.

As he was walking me home, we both were quiet. He probably felt uncomfortable enough to not talk, I just assumed that since now I looked honestly, like a fool.

"So, Seonghwa, why would you do all that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not assuming you did this to yourself, but I am. Why did you do that to your face?"

I looked at him and sighed.
"I may have not done this to myself, it could be anyone else."

"I am quite concerned with you being like that. Please don't drink more."

"I'll think about it."

He walked me home and then left. I went to my room and I threw my bag to my desk. Pieces of glass were still all around the windowsill, I was getting flashbacks. I locked my door and sat down next to my door. I really didn't want to go to see my face, but I had to go reapply the plasters.

I got up and slowly walked to the bathroom. I turned on the light and went to the mirror. I took off the plasters and looked at myself. Those scars were really making me feel ugly and foolish.
I opened the drawer for more plasters and my eyes were drawn not by them, but by a razor next to them.
I put my hand on the razor and slowly picked it up, looked it all over and put it under water to get it cleaned. While holding it, I felt the thoughts going through my head like the speed of light.
I slowly rolled up my sleeve and looked at my forearm and slowly put the razor to it. My body was hesitating, but my mind was telling me to do it.

I looked up and quickly cut the spot I was holding the razor on. I looked down and sighed, it somehow felt good.. it did hurt but most of the feeling was relief.
I felt great, I felt like I could give myself what I deserve, I felt deserved of what I just did.
I looked at my left forearm and started cutting my skin again and again. Even when the pain got worse from the cuts overlapping, I simply couldn't stop myself.

I finally let go of the razor and it dropped in the sink, it left a blood mark.
I looked at my arm again and the nice feeling turned into a disappointment for myself. My forearm was covered in blood, it was dripping on the floor and in the sink. I gripped onto my waist and fell on the floor. Tears again were flowing out of my eyes. I started sobbing. I didn't understand myself, I couldn't control myself anymore, not my actions, not my tears. Why would Cupid hurt me like this?

After I calmed down, I got up and walked my forearm. The water flowing on it hurt so much.
I also cleaned it with peroxide and then put bandage on it.
I cleaned up the blood on the floor and sink and then started replastering my face.

I went out the bathroom and again, the glass pieces were killing me. I looked at my phone and I had so many missed calls from my mom and San, I felt like a fourteen year old who was going through a love phase.
I recalled my mom first and she didn't pick up, then I called San, he did pick up.

"Hello? Why did you call me?"

"Why didn't you pick up the phone earlier?"

"Ah, sorry. I was busy."

"Alright. Do you have plans?"

"I don't."

"Wanna play some games?"

"Sure."

I brushed the glass off of my table and sat into my chair. We played for several hours until eleven pm.
Before I hung up, he called my name.

"Hwa!"

"Yes?"

"Can you meet up tomorrow?"

"Surely. Text me the time and where, now I really am tired. Good night San."

"Night Seonghwa."

I hanged up and looked at the ceiling. My forearm still hurt like hell, it didn't relieve any stress after I finished, but it felt so good whilst it.
I went back to the bathroom and took the same razor. I washed it and put it back to the drawer. I knew that it was gonna be used way more times in another way that it was supposed to be used. I closed the drawer and went to bed. It was hard to fall asleep but I managed.