Bittersweet (discontinued?)

Pain isn't eternal, unless you're dead

Chapter Five// Pain isn't eternal, unless you're dead

It's been months.. Months. I said months. I haven't seen Hunter since the day he broke my picture frame. I guess I probably overreacted.. But I was still upset because my phone for some reason.. Was erased of all its memories. Picture, contacts, downloads... All of it.. Gone. I had no memories of my dad. I could care less about about the contacts.

"I just want my dad back." I whispered. I wish I had someone to tell me everything's alright, because right now I have a knowing that it isn't. But that person is gone because I ruined it.. I'm a bitch. I shook my head a headed towards a scale by my closet. I stepped onto it and waited impatiently while it calculated my weight. Then a number was visible on the screen.

92 lbs

I was disappointed, my goal was.. I actually don't know. My goal is to feel pretty and thin. I'm 5'6 and I think I'm below my weight range, I should start eating again. But I just can't without feeling like I'm not as thin as the other girls, who look like supermodels.

But I really don't know who I'm trying to impress. I'm not very noticeable in the eyes of anybody. My ex girlfriend was the only one that really gave me any attention. But after she said she was just experimenting with me. I felt like a lab rat. A failed science experiment. I felt like shit for the longest time. While she flaunted her new boyfriend around, at some point I got an anonymous text message calling me a dyke and other hateful names. I is easily ignored it, I wasn't a lesbian, I was pan. The person didn't know one goddamn thing about me or my sexuality so I didn't feel offended.

But now looking back at it, it hurts me like stones being thrown at my back. When I turn around, it hits my chest.. Where my heart is. I just can't bear it anymore. My heart can't..

Hunter annoyed the hell out of me, but somehow he made me feel different, you know? It was the way my ex made me feel, her name was Sam. But now it's Hunter. Wait, what the fuck am I saying? Hunter is just a friend, a good friend. A friend I lost because I'm a stupid, pathetic, fat bitch! My conscious told me. I wanted my mind to just shut up! But the only way to get rid of demons is an exorcism. That means I needed someone to not make me feel empty. Tally and Jayla were close to me but not enough that they were sister close. Or for me to love them. It's harsh but it's true.

Then Rory came up to me, panting and whimpering. I think he sense my sadness. I started to play fetch with him a bit, just throwing a rubber bone. Rory went after the toy and took it in his mouth, he turned by pushing his hind legs off from the wall. I laughed at this and threw it the same way as before. Rory did the same thing only this time, he made a hole in the wall.

His hind legs were covered in that white powdering stuff from the wall. I brushed it off and made sure he was okay.

Then I turned to the wall. "Shit." I muttered, I groaned. I took a closer look at the wall. There was brick in the wall, but Rory wasn't hurt.. How was he not hurt if the wall had brick under it? That's when I also broke the wall to reveal a small wooden door in it. It was dusty and covered in small bugs. I blew on it and the bugs scattered everywhere, sending dust flying to my face. I sneezed, which startled Rory. I stepped back and Rory stepped forward, he sniffed the door and started barking at it fiercely.

I pushed Rory aside and he bit onto the hem of my shirt, trying to pull me away from the door. "Ugh Rory!" I pushed him away and he just whimpered.

I touched the little rusty knob. It was freezing, as if the door led to cold winter days. But it's summer.

I twisted the knob slowly and the door creaked open.

Flies flew past me and roaches scattered away as well. But I saw nothing past the cob webs. All I saw was written in some kind of red paint:

Pain isn't eternal, unless you're dead.

I shook my head and closed the door. It was probably some old closet or used to be a dumb waiter and they didn't fill it all the way, they probably forgot a section.

I grabbed my guitar and thought of a few new lyrics I could use. I got out a pencil too and sung what I had already knew.

"We flew too close to the sun~

So close I thought it was heaven.

If hell is a life without love,

Am I being punished for what I've done?

The sky's on fire, all the stars disappear.

No signs of life, without you here."

It was going so fast, all my feelings fell into the song. I don't even know where I got the last part from. I was probably thinking about Hunter. But why would I think about him that way? This is where I should stop but I just couldn't.

"Tears will fall, oceans will rise, the earth will stop turning.

Since you left-"

I stopped there, I immediately knew at that moment.

In all the time I had spent with him, I had grown feelings for Hunter Woods.

And every breath without him here, feels like it's burning.

*******

The next day, Angel came home with a trophy. She won it at the showcase. I didn't compete, I just never had the energy to get out of my room anymore. Not even practice a song or anything. Ava was glad I wasn't competing. I think she might've heard me singing at some point. But I didn't care about it, it was just to spite her and I did. There was no room for me to have some happiness. There just wasn't.

*******

It's finally been a year without Hunter, I realized finally that he was never coming back and he probably never thought of me more than a friend. I wriggled the thought out of my mind, I've been making myself not think of him. It's working.. Yeah no it's not.

I went up to the scale. I weighed myself, 80 pounds. I smiled a bit, I looked in the mirror and saw a thin girl. For once. I felt.. Pretty. Who am I kidding, I looked like a corpse. But I needed to accept it.

I got ready finally and went to school.

When the time for lunch came, Tally offered me some food. Which I happily denied, I wanted to keep at the weight I'm at. I smiled for a moment, then I felt lightheaded. That's when all the lights went out and I felt myself fall. A few gasps were heard but the darkness overcame my vision and mind.

All I saw was darkness right then and there. Then it was white.

I saw him standing there, I see Hunter.

Short I know but here it is, I hope you enjoyed it.