Fragile Butterfly

05| tears

- ARACELI LAURIER -

"You wanna tell me what's going on up there?"

Antonio asked that a few minutes ago after he found me trying to slit my throat open, and I don't know if I can let him in.

What if he wants to send me away?

What if he thinks I'm insane?

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when Carlos speaks up. "Bebita you can trust us we just want to know what's going on so we can help you. We're not gonna judge you for anything you say, this is a safe space." And I guess this was the push I needed because next I say

"I just want to be happy, and I thought it being happy was coming home but right now I think I'm the most depressed I've ever been. All the smiles, and laughs and giggles were fake. I've been trapped inside my mind for months, years even, but I can't seem to escape it. Todd did a lot of things to me that have scarred me for life and it's like those moments replay in my head over and over and over again." I say as I start to tear up

"Is that why you do this? To cope? To escape?" Antonio asks lightly caressing my wrists and I nod. "Is there another way you are hurting yourself?" Carlos asks as if he can sense that there's more. My hands start to slightly shake "uhm when I'm in the bath and my thoughts start to get a little too loud, I push my head down under water until my lungs give out." I say as my tears have a steady flow down my face.

Carlos comes and lays in the bed next to me and tonio and hugs me tightly. "We're here so you never have to do that again. I'm so sorry that you felt like you had to do that. We're gonna help you okay?" He says and I nod my head again.

"Celi I have one more question and we don't have to talk about the details tonight but I need to know" Antonio says. Carlos gives him a look like he knows what he's about to ask.

"That wasn't the first time you tried to end it was it, sweet girl?"

No. It wasn't the second time either.

Rapid tears start to pour out of my eyes as my shoulders shake, which seems to give him my answer. He rubs my back and holds me close. "Shh is gonna be okay baby we're gonna help you, it's okay" he says. After awhile my tears die down and a wave of exhaustion comes over me from the day I've had.

Suddenly my eyelids start to droop and I slowly drift off to sleep.

- CARLOS LAURIER -

After awhile of sitting with celi letting her cry, she eventually cried herself to sleep. I look at Antonio who was already looking at me.

"I'll stay with her and you go and deal with the shitheads down stairs, I don't think I can without cracking their skulls." He says to me. I nod and gently slide Araceli off my chest and onto Antonio. I wrapped her in her blanket to make her comfortable and then started my way downstairs.

When I reached the end off the stairs all my brothers were just staring into space.

"What the fuck is wrong with all of you?!" I say angered by the way they've been acting. I thought at least Matias would've been a little concerned considering he's the oldest.

"I didn't know it was that bad." Matteo says. "That's all?" I ask "That's all you have to fucking say for yourselves?"

"Are baby sister just fucking cried herself to sleep. She's been needing us for years and now that we've got her back you just think you stop being brothers? It's like you don't even care." I say

"Did you not see her holding a knife to her neck? That shouldn't of been the thing that made you realize just how much she needs us. There were so many signs you CHOSE to ignore. As many times Antonio tried to tell you, you told him she was fine. I want you to go and look at your sister and tell me if she's fine. You can't! Because she's not! She's got fucking slices down her wrist for Christ sake!" I yell. I stare at Matias because he has yet to move or say a single word.

"Your right. I've failed at my job to be a brother and for that I'm sorry." He says taking in a deep breath. "I feel so guilty like I missed everything I was supposed to see."

I look at him with pure fury in my eye "GUILT IS WHAT YOU FEEL? YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING ASHAMED OF YOUR SELF!" I scream out. I hear footsteps coming from down the stairs, Antonio appears.

"How about you get your lives together. Both of you." He says pointing in between Matias and Matteo.

"You didn't act like this until Araceli came home now it's just like you don't give a shit about how anyone's feeling but yourself. That sweet girl that is laying in that bed it broken and it's our job to help put those peices back together. You sitting here having your pity party isn't gonna make that happen." He says pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I was so caught up in the fact that she was home and she was okay that I failed to be the person I'm supposed to be to her, and I'm sorry for that." Matias says and Matteo shakes his head.

"We're apologizing to the wrong person"
Matteo says and I agree

"I want to change. Not just for us but for her." Matteo says and Matthias agrees

After a bit more chatter everyone heads upstairs to there rooms. I go back to check on Araceli.

Antonio was already there. He looked exhausted as he stared down at her like she'd disappear on the spot.

"Go to bed hermano, I've got her." He just shakes his head. "I don't want to leave her." He says quietly looking down at her. "You can be with her in the morning, just go get some sleep you look exhausted. I'm not even tired so I'll watch her and make sure she's okay." I say patting his shoulder.

He finally gives in and carefully slides Araceli off of him before slowly getting off the bed taking one last look at her before going into his room.

I silently took at Araceli for a while before going into the bathroom, getting the first aid kit. I clean all the cuts down her arms and neck and bandaged them carefully. After I was done I made sure she was comfortable and settled down. I sat for awhile debating if I should go to sleep or not.

Before I could decide my body decided for me, exhaustion cathching up with me, as the darkness comes over me my eyes close, going into a dreamless sleep.

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Hi guys! I know it's been a couple of weeks. School started not too long ago and I'm still kinda getting the hang of my schedule but I'm doing the best I can. I'll update again as soon as possible.

Ange💗✨🦋

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