LULAMA
The trip home is a tense one. Instead of waiting for Friday, I faked an illness at work then went to consult so I could get a two days sick note. I know that my doctor knew I was faking it but he still gave me the two days so now I'm off to Limpopo with my sister and brother in law.
My mom's refusal to speak on the phone about whether or not she knows the Mdlalose family just cemented the truth in Bangizwe's words. I also can't remember last night's dream so that's another thing. Is my mental state really taking a knock?
It's a five hour drive and by the time we enter the village I'm tired of being confined to one space and I'm very anxious. This really is a stressful situation and I don't understand why two people would decide that such witchcraft is a bright idea. What if Bangizwe and I aren't even compatible, what's worse is that he already has a wife, a whole wife and I'm supposed to join in the union? Hayi man, this is high level fuckery and the two dead besties must have been on some high quality weed to even think about doing such a thing.
I notice my brother's car parked outside as we approach, it's a serious family meeting if he was also pulled away from work to come home. There's this feeling in my gut, my family wouldn't go to these lengths if it was a lie, but how can they live without telling me this, how did they look me in the eyes and continue with their lives while they knew that this day would come. How is it fair?
"Ntwana, uready?" bhut'Ntsika asks when he parks the car and I shake my head.
"No, but I don't think I ever will be,"
"but it's better to know the truth, right?" My sister asks, she's also visibly anxious.
"Yeah, I need to know."
We get off and get our bags, I'm only going back to work on Monday but the duration of my stay here depends on the outcome of this meeting. If they piss me off, I'm leaving, so they better have a very good and polished explanation.
" Ndawin, "My sister says when we enter the house.
" Ahe, " my uncle's wife responds. There's two of my uncles present, one from my maternal side and the other from the paternal side, my brother is also seated then there's my maternal grandmother and my mom. It really is a full house. I wonder if my mother really couldn't face me on her own so much that she had to call for backup.
We first put our bags away before joining them again on the living room. The tension is very thick and it's about to get thicker if no one starts talking soon.
"How was your trip?" My brother asks after all the greetings are out of the way.
"It was good,"
"There's food in the kitchen, you guys should eat first. It's a long way from Gauteng," mom says getting up and not looking me in the eyes, she hasn't faced me since I got here and it's not like her. Where are her hugs and cheek kisses?
My sister gets up to go and help her dish up and I'm about to stand when my partenal uncle asks me to remain seated. I almost want to ask him where his brother is but I figure that it's a good thing that he's not here, I don't want any more problems than I already have and I really have zero patience today, I fear I will not be able to control the words that come out of my mouth if he shows up here.
They return with plates of pap and beef stew. I don't have an appetite but I still accept, at the end of the day these people are still my elders and I wasn't raised to throw tantrums but I fear that today is the day that my tongue has decided to try something new.
We eat quietly, I'm unable to finish my food so I'm the first to get up then my sister clears everything else. We go back to the living room, my mom is sitting next to her mom, when times are tough, we all want our mommies.
