Frost

don't say it (ditto)

Winter came too quickly. It's cool, unwelcoming haze swept over the city, blanketing sidewalks in pristine blankets of snow, and cold winds tore their way under your collar to freeze your skin. Darkness fell earlier, and light streamed in rarely through the hovering clouds.

The general mood of their small group turned gloomy.

Taehyun sighed for the hundredth time, gazing out the window at the swirling snowflakes. Beomgyu stared listlessly off into the distance, a forlorn expression on his face, and even Soobin was dozing on the couch, unusually tired.

Kai's head lay in Yeonjun's lap, as the younger boy took the opportunity to catch up on sleep. His sunny disposition was especially shaky lately, as too many classes left him tired and frustrated.

The winter was dragging them all down, leaving them all hopeless and drained of energy. Yeonjun watched his friends with an equal exhaustion, doodling on his lecture notes with a blue ballpoint pen. He glanced at his planner, wondering if he could put the homework off for a few more days, procrastinating until he felt a little less like a melting puddle of snow.

The date caught his eye. It was the 22nd of December.

He sat up a little straighter. "Guys."

There was no response.

"Ay, losers!"

Sleepy eyes turned to look at him.

"It's almost Christmas."

Silence, but you could almost physically see color flow back into the 4 other boys. They perked up, exchanging glances, the fog in their eyes clearing as they focused, looking a little more excited than before.

"Shit." Soobin said, rubbing his eyes. "I almost forgot."

"Oh my god we don't have a tree!"

"Forget the tree, I haven't bought my mom anything, she's gonna kill me–"

As life flowed back into the group, Yeonjun looked down to see Kai smiling sleepily up at him, floating in the space between dreamland and alertness. He was wearing one of Yeonjun's hoodies, and it warmed Yeonjun's heart. It was always something so small that did – with each passing day, he was more and more fond of the younger boy.

It was a feeling he never thought he'd experience.

Shopping with Kai was another thing he never thought he'd get to live through. To hold hands, and walk through the busy aisles of their local shopping mall, and get to see the brunet boy's face light up in reaction to something cute, or feel him shrink into him when he was shy.

Yeonjun was sure he was sporting a stupidly wide grin, but for once in his life – he didn't care. He barely remembered where they went, and what they did. But he could recall every single expression that flashed across Kai's face, every word he signed, and every smile he threw his way.

Oh my god, Choi Yeonjun, get a grip.

Sometimes, Yeonjun wondered what Kai thought of him. After all, they were just best friends. Clingy best friends that hugged, and kissed, and cuddled, and texted past midnight, and went out together to cafes and dog parks.

He knew for a fact that Kai was just as close (if not closer) to his roommate, Soobin, and that he and Taehyun had fallen asleep on the couch together, curled up after an intense study session. He knew Kai bought Beomgyu's mother flowers.

He knew Kai cared for him, but he never knew to what extent his feelings were returned.

Could Kai read him as easily as Yeonjun could read him? Did he spend hours analyzing their conversations, and get sparks anytime they touched? Did he feel safe in his arms, as Yeonjun did? Did he–

A knee nudged him, and Yeonjun snapped back to the present, to the laughing circle of his friends, and the bags of gifts being passed around. To Kai sitting next to him, and Soobin's faded blue hair that he was expecting a compliment on.

"It suits you, Bin-ah. Better even, I think, than the brighter color."

Soobin blushed, glowing, and waved the compliment away, delighted. "Flatterer."

A cup of hot chocolate was on the floor beside him, and Yeonjun took a sip of the overly sweet liquid, gagging at the taste. He set it back down, wondering idly if the kitchen even had any sugar left after all that.

Next to him, Beomgyu gulped his own drink down in one go. Blanching, Yeonjun looked away, turning his attention to the small package sitting on his lap. He hadn't been paying attention when it was dropped there, so the giver was a mystery.

That was, until he carefully folded back the paper, extracting the contents. Then the mystery cleared, and he had to physically prevent himself from throwing his arms around the boy next to him.

It was an old and faded album. One of the first he had ever bought, actually, before his mother exchanged it for a bottle of whiskey and a pack of cancer sticks.

The faded cover's once-bright colors were well-worn, but in a loved way, and the CD still lay in the case unscratched, smiling up at him.

He had looked at the album for no more than a second at the store, maybe mentioning it off-handedly, but Kai had noticed. He had noticed, which meant he was looking. Yeonjun's heart threatened to burst out of his chest and explode into colorful fireworks.

Instead, he carefully placed the old Wonder Girls album behind him, grinning like a fool as he laced his and Kai's hand together, squeezing.

"Thank you for the record." He whispered, feeling like his heart was about to overflow.

It wasn't me.

Thank you for the record you're pretending you didn't get me.

Kai blushed, and Yeonjun nearly melted on the spot, practically vibrating with excitement, when Soobin's annoying-ass voice interrupted them. "Since when did Yeonjun sign?"

He couldn't help the smug smirk that took over. "Spring." He answered proudly, locking eyes with his cousin. It took many sleepless nights, and it still gave him a sense of pride.

Taehyun whistled. "Damn. And I've been trying for longer than you now." He ducked his head, embarrassed. "Sorry, Kai-yah."

It's okay, you don't have to. The angel immediately assured him.

Soobin said something after that, but Yeonjun couldn't focus, not when his entire being was dancing on the inside. He felt invincible, like he could take off like a rocket and reach the moon.

Kai noticed. What is it?

Nothing.

You're smiling.

Yeonjun grinned wider, a little giddy. I just like you so darn much.

The younger boy turned to face him completely, his hands forming the words Yeonjun had always wanted to see. I like you more.

No, fuck that. I love you. It burst out of him, unprompted, but he had never been more truthful.

Shocked, but undeterred, the brunet boy raised his hands again. I love you.

It was in this moment that he knew. This moment that he would remember forever – Kai, in his grey sweater, eyes meeting his, a smile on his face as his hands formed the words from his heart. There was no tacky 'same' or 'ditto' that would merely put a 'me too' to Yeonjun's confession.

No, Huening Kai's confession was his own. He wasn't an addition to someone else. He was himself.

And Yeonjun loved him.

"When you didn't say 'too', that's when I knew." Yeonjun confessed later that night, and watched the smile that bloomed as a result.