Frost

but i still want you

They walk back through the park silently, side by side, brushing by each other but not quite sticking together.

The nerves in Yeonjun's stomach work overtime as Kai nods to a bench and they sit down.

An orange cat pads over to them, sniffing at Yeonjun suspiciously before climbing up to settle in Kai's lap. She dozes there, happy, as Yeonjun watches, a little envious.

Soon enough though, he looks up at Kai's face, and the frost that had somewhat receded over the last few minutes comes back.

After all, 'i missed you' could mean a number of things. After all, who knew how Kai had felt after a year of being apart. Who knew if he could forgive him.

You look sad, hyung.

Yeonjun forced a smile. "You look so serious. It's a little scary."

Kai pouts unintentionally, thinking for a moment. Can I ask something blunt?

"Go on." He'd tell him anything and everything. Kai only had to ask.

Why did you leave?

"Ouch." Yeonjun winced. "Straight to the point."

Kai watched him warily, waiting for him to take his words back, to change his mind and change the subject.

Yeonjun sighed, stomach roiling. A small shiver passes through him.

"When I was small," he began, careful to pace himself and not run away with the memory, to stay in the moment. "my mom got hooked on drugs. My dad was one of her dealers, actually. She owed a lot of money, and lost her job often. So we moved frequently."

Kai's eyes shone as he patiently waited for him to continue.

"She wasn't a very good parent. Let's just say that. When I grew old enough to pass for someone who could get a minimum wage job, she made me work. The money was spent to pay off the debt."

His voice shook a little, and as he blinked back the thoughts of nights she came home high, or the beatings he received from her flings, a warm hand settled on his thigh, reassuring.

"As I got older, I worked more jobs, and higher-paying positions. I was able to get into university on a scholarship and pure luck. And I knew that if I were to go to school, I can't come home to what I did. So I ran away."

He paused for a moment, taking a deep breath.

"I'd pay her remotely, and she'd leave me alone. And when she found me, I ran away again. And again. And again."

Kai's hand patted his thigh again as he began to shake.

"Eventually, I figured out a system – if I were to stay somewhere for only a year, she wouldn't have time to find me. So I'd move every year. If I didn't, she'd come around and start demanding money off my friends, along with her loan sharks. And you know what loan sharks are like when they think you owe them money."

He lifted his eyes from the ground to meet Kai's. "So after a year, no matter how much I wanted to stay, I had to leave."

He waited for the axe to fall down – what he said wasn't an excuse. He was selfish for leaving without a goodbye. He deserved the disgust people looked at him with sometimes. Kai wouldn't forgive him. There were options – always other paths he could've taken, other things he could've done.

He held no delusions about this – there had always been a way out. He had just been too scared to take it.

He was an awful person.

Instead of turning away, the sunshine boy surprised him by pulling him closer, warmth spreading to him as Kai hugged him for what seemed like the thousandth time that day.

Yeonjun could feel a hot tear slide down his face as he hugged back.

So you're back for a year? Kai asked when they pulled apart again.

"No." Yeonjun shook his head, determined. "Forever. I'm back forever."

And Kai didn't ask how, or why. He just grinned and carefully took the orange cat off his lap.

Then his smile faded, and he looked away for a moment, taking a deep breath as if summoning up courage.

Hyung.

"Mn?" Yeonjun braced himself.

Distractedly, Kai's pale fingers wiped the tear off Yeonjun's face with a soft touch. He seemed almost shy, all of a sudden.

...I...

Kai paused again.

I still love you.

The hopeful look was on his face again, but this time he wasn't looking at him, determined to stare at the pavement beneath their feet, pink blush dusting his neck and cheeks.

A heavy weight lifted off Yeonjun's chest. "And you think I don't?" He asked, grinning.

Kai's head whipped up. What?

"Hyuka, I literally told you I came back for you."

Slow realization dawned on Kai's face, like the sun rising on a sleepy town. It was beautiful to see, the happiness returning to every crease of his face.

"I love you. Have loved, do love, will keep loving."

And if the world had seen the look on Kai's face then, the thin emotions shining through as he giddily laughed in happy disbelief, no one would ever dare ask again who the modern wonder of the world was.

Yeonjun couldn't help himself – he leaned forward, and stopping only for a moment to make sure it was okay, kissed him again, for what felt like the first time in a lifetime.

Kai was still as sweet as before – melting into him immediately, smiling into the kiss as his hands wound around Yeonjun's neck, bringing them closer. He made a small happy noise, and Yeonjun felt his heart skip a beat in response.

The last of the frost in his chest melted, and the midday sun shone down on him, spreading through him like wildfire, until the thin tank top finally felt weather-appropriate, and the goosebumps on his skin disappeared from sight.

As they reluctantly pulled away, Yeonjun pressed a soft kiss to the crown of Kai's head, before resting their foreheads together to catch his breath, an uncontrollable smile taking over his face as his heart sang.

Kai grinned back at him, fingers lightly playing with Yeonjun's hair.

"I love you." Yeonjun whispered. "And I swear, I'll never leave again."

Kai pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. I'll believe it when I see it.