Frost

it was raining (the night i left you)

Ghosting.

He had once been good at that. Good at invading someone's life and disappearing just as quickly, as unexpectedly, leaving behind a whirlwind of emotions and complications.

"It's only for a year." He had told Soobin when he called him up last spring. "I need somewhere to stay for a year."

And his cousin had sighed, and worried, but ultimately agreed, sending him an address and about 50 million worried text messages.

Now, a year later, Yeonjun was standing in a small bedroom, saying his silent goodbyes to the boy who had changed everything.

Kai slept soundly, holding Ppangya tightly to his chest, his hair mussed up and the prink imprint of his pillow crease on his cheek.

His fondness for the boy glued him to the spot. He couldn't move, couldn't budge an inch. He had done this a million times, yet this time was different. This time he let himself grow attached. Let himself believe.

Believe that he'd never leave.

A hand settled on his shoulder, a firm pressure. Yeonjun let it shake him from his trance.

"Ready?" Soobin whispered, patting his back reassuringly.

"No." Yeonjun answered, and they both chuckled.

"Let's go. He'll wake soon." Soobin whispered, tugging at Yeonjun's sleeve lightly.

Swallowing, Yeonjun nodded, leaving without looking back.

"Take care of him, Bin-ah." He asked as he got to the door. "All of them."

Soobin nodded. "Of course."

They hugged, Soobin crushing him to his chest a little too tightly. "Am I allowed to ask where you're going?"

"What do you think?"

The blue-haired boy's eyes dropped to the floor.

Feeling bad, Yeonjun ruffled his hair, forcing a smile onto his face. "I'll keep in touch with you."

His cousin nodded, still not looking up. "So this is it, then?"

Yeonjun sighed, sticking his hands into his pockets awkwardly. "This is it."

"Hyung– can't you–"

"No. Sorry."

"Can't you just cut your mother off?"

"You think I haven't tried?"

His last attempt flashes through his mind – the debtors showing up at his house, the party they interrupted, his classmates screaming, a boy's nose being smashed in, girls screaming and the sound of glass breaking.

"I gotta go, Bin-ah."

Soobin looks down.

"Soobin." Yeonjun sighs, pulling his cousin into another hug. "I promise, this is for the better. Your aunt has changed since you've last seen her, Bin-ah. She's not the same woman you baked brownies with, that pushed you on the swings."

"I know."

"Do you? Do you really?"

Soobin pulled away, looking him in the eyes. "I do! I do, but..." he looks away again.

"But?"

"Can't you tell everyone? I know you can't keep in touch, but can't you at least tell them? Because they're gonna be devastated when you leave. They'll blame themselves, sulk and mope around. They'll wait for you, and miss you, and wish they never met you."

"Oh, but Bin-ah... that's why you're here. To help them forget, and move on, and keep them safe."

"Can't you tell them?" There were tears hiding at the corners of his eyes.

"Sorry." Yeonjun shook his head. "But what do you think will happen, if they know? You think they'll let me leave? You know them best, Bin-ah."

"They won't." Soobin sighed. "They'll fight for you to stay."

"And get hurt."

"And get hurt." Soobin agreed.

"They're the strongest people I know." Yeonjun stepped back, his hand on the door. "But they're no match for a drug-smuggling ring that thinks everyone owes them money."

"I'll miss you." Soobin leaned against the doorframe, his body sagging against it like he couldn't help himself anymore. "I love you, you crazy sonofabitch."

"And I love you, coz."

And then he stepped out into the world, on the run again.

Soobin shut the door behind him.

His old Jeep was cold when he got inside, starting the engine. It rattled and wheezed as Yeonjun peeled out of the parking lot, on a road to nowhere.

He headed for the freeway, leaving the city behind him.

Past the park where he and Kai fed stray cats. Past the small cafe he had worked in. Past the turn off that led to the beach, and the one leading to the forest.

With each kilometer, he was putting more and more memories behind, until all that was there was the highway and him. The grey asphalt and his colorless mood.

The sky wept so he wouldn't have to – fat droplets drumming against his windows as he stepped on the gas, reaching over to turn the radio on, letting some funky pop fill in the empty spaces of his life.

It was, by far, his least graceful exit.

He woke up all alone. On a concrete block, wrapped in an old blanket with a checkered pillow under his head. His car stood nearby, empty and silent.

The sun shone up above, warming the Earth, but Yeonjun couldn't feel it, not with the layer of frost that was around him.

He had almost forgotten how cold he was, before he met the sunshine boy. He had gotten so used to the warmth, that the drop in temperature felt worse than before, like a spoiled child having to give up his toys.

He hadn't cried yesterday, but now he let it shake him – the ugly sobs and the tears that poured down his face in rivulets, soaking his thin tee.

Loneliness wasn't something he had struggled with often – after all, the best place to hide is among people. But he felt the full force of it attack him now – the feeling of something missing, the absence of a body next to him, of arms around his waist and soft lips against his neck, fingers tracing out good morning against his bare skin.

He curled up on his blanket, soaking it with tears as the sun rose higher and higher, until it was directly overhead, watching the salty tears dry up, leaving ugly streaks across his face. It judged him, that cruel sun, not letting its warmth touch him.

His phone was dead.

The sad red light blinked at him mockingly.

With a sigh, Yeonjun gathered his stuff and got back in the car, heading towards the nearest airport.

His traitorous mind reminded him that this was the start of his second day alone. Only the second out of a lifetime more.