Dazed & Confused

[43]

[listen to the song once it says "an hour later"]

"I understand Aryia.."
"I'm in love with someone I can't be with as well." Aryia lifts his head, staring right at me as tears well up in my eyes and a sadistic yet sad smile paints my face.
"Sam..." Aryia's face fills with confusion and sympathy. I laugh at how pathetic I am, in love with someone from a completely different universe and crying over the fact that us being together could damage this world and hurt everyone I love and care about. I'm so fucking pathetic. I take my beanie off and wipe my stupid tears away.
"What's going on Sam?" Griffin asks, stepping towards me again. I laugh again, staring at my bloody hands.
"I've fallen for the one I can't have is whats going on. The one I'm living with now, I think I've actually fucking fallen for him." God dammit. Tears rush down my face uncontrollably. Why does it hurt so much? Griffin grabs me and pulls me into a tight hug. I instantly sob into his shoulder, pain rushing through my lunges and heart. Aryia grabs the drinks from the floor and goes into the kitchen.
"It's okay Sam. It'll be okay." Griffin says calmly, holding me tighter as tears cover my vision and I'm swallowed by the pain I've masked for this long.

[That Night]

Aryia sets the mattress down and Griffin sets some blankets and a pillow down on it. I stand there, chugging down a white claw in sadness. How pathetic. Griffin gives me a sympathetic smile and pats my shoulder while Aryia waits for him by the doorway.
"Night sam." Aryia says before turning off the lights in the room and leaving with Griffin. This is not how I planned this night. I sigh and set the now empty white claw down. I pull a cigarette box from my jean pocket and grab a cigarette, putting the box back and pulling out my lighter. I put the cigarette in my mouth and light it with my now wrapped up hand and stand there smoking the pain away.

[An hour later]

I walk the streets of Los Angles, hands in my pockets and a cigarette in my mouth. I watch as cars go by and the lights fill the dark sky. I always thought L.A was so beautiful. I still do. So many memories in this place. I miss those times. But I also don't. This is my life now. The law and the police don't work on me anymore. I'm not afraid of them. I have no rules I have to follow. I do what I want and what I have to do. Even if it means taking someones life. Or my own. I can't risk losing the ones I love. They keep me sane and bring me back the peace I once had. They mean everything to me. Nate, Seth, Griffin, Aryia, Corbin, Corey, Kevin, Jake, Devyn, Katrina, Tara, and Colby. They mean more to me then my own life. I'll end my own to save theirs.
I stop in an alley, leaning against an abandoned garage, sliding down to the ground. I grab my beanie off of my head and look down at it. I'll do anything to keep them safe. I guess thats why they chose me to be the leader.... I'll be the best leader this world has ever seen. Maybe even in Colby's world too. But I sure as hell won't let them down. And I won't stop protecting and fighting until my life ends. That's a promise.

{A/N: sam's in his determination era againnn👀}