Dazed & Confused

[57]

[5:20pm]
{Sam's POV}

I get into my new car after making sure it's fully dry and ready. I throw my duffel bag full of all my stuff back from the Dazes' house into the back seat. I put my key into the ignition before opening the garage door and leaving the casino, pressing the garage button in my car. I pull out the alleyway and get on the road, driving back to the bunker. Has Colby ever fucked a guy who wears makeup? Probably has. God, I feel so inferior to everyone around me. I need to stop thinking about this. I already feel bad enough right now. Just focus on getting back to the bunker. I swallow back the pain tugging at my chest, trying to fully focus on the road to avoid thinking. After a couple minutes of silence, I pull up to a red light. I press down on the brake, stopping the car slowly. Will he even want to see me? I did cut him with my knife. That doesn't really make a good impression on Cole. Maybe I should just turn back. Go back to Aryia's house and stay there forever. No, I can't do that. As much as I don't want to find out what Cole thinks of me now, I can't abandon Colby like that. That isn't fair. I don't turn my back on the people I care about. He's already had enough people abandon and turn on him. The light turns green and I start driving again, resting my left hand on my lap, fidgeting with rings on my lengthy fingers. Why didn't I have this with my Colby? Why didn't he care about me as much as the other Colby seems to. He never went looking for me or hugged me like he lost me whenever I was gone for hours or the entire day. Probably because he didn't love me. What I saw confirms that..

[FLASHBACK]

     My eyes slowly open, revealing my dim room, the only light source is from the sun shining through my window. I softly groan, taking a deep breath as I stretch my arms in front then behind me. I rub my face before sitting up on my forearm and grabbing my phone. 1:40pm. I've only been asleep for an hour. And I already have about 10 new messages. I scroll through them, nothing really important. I lay back down on my back and open instagram as I start softly chewing on my lips, careful of the scab on the left corner of my bottom my lip. I check through all my friends' stories, Corey posted himself with a filter on his face with a box of energy drinks. I softly smile at that before scrolling down at posts. I get to a series of photos posted by one of my Colby's other friends that I don't know really at all. Then it hits me. I suddenly stop in my tracks as my heart drops. No... no no no no no. I quickly sit up, staring at the photo of my Colby kissing another girl on the day we met the other guys. I swipe through the photos, half of it is Shea. Then it switches to another girl. I think her name is Malia. It's clear he was dating Shea up until I killed her. Now he's dating Malia. And all these photos were taken the same day he was hanging out with me. Taking me out on dates or even having sex with me. When I get to the last photo, tears instantly start filling my eyes as does the lump in my throat. The photo is of Malia and him, naked, in front of a mirror,  fucking. The day after I admitted myself into the asylum.. he's been playing me the whole time. God fucking dammit. I'm such an idiot. I drop my phone on my legs as tears start pouring out my eyes. I lay back down and cover my eyes with my arms, my chest filled with an uncomfortable pain as my breath staggers. I feel like screaming. I can barely breath. I couldn't even speak if I tried to. Soon my throat starts stinging. I open my eyes for a second, staring at the ceiling. I hate how much sense this makes. No wonder he put his hands on me. Why he said all that shit about my looks and body. Why he forced me to do shit I clearly didn't want to do. Because he never cared. He never actually loved me. My eyesight gets blurry as the strong sensation in my chest gets even stronger. I close my eyes, flashes of the way he would call me darling, how almost uncomfortable he would touch me, his hands softly, too softly, touching my face as he whispers unforgettable words to me. It's all I can hear now. It repeats over and over again as our entire relationship, from freshman year to before I left to the asylum, replays in my head. Suddenly I feel sick. I quickly get up and rush to the bathroom, throwing up instantly. I lean over the toilet for what feels like forever before leaning back against the wall behind me. I let my eyes close as I hear those words one last time...