FATIMA (YOU series #2)

Chapter 34

Never will you be unloved by me. You are too well tangled in my soul.
-Unknown.

Fatima

I strolled down the lifeless halls. The house felt emptier than usual but just as chilling. I passed by the photo frames that always made my skin crawl. I let out a breath I didn't realise I'd been holding when I finally stood before the large door.

My breathing picked up, and my heart beat louder as I stood. This would be the perfect time to make a run for it. No one apart from the gatemen had seen me. But I promised myself I would do this. If only Ibrahim had been here, he would have given me the courage to walk in and get it over with.

I wiped my palms with my dress. I either had nervous sweats, or this house was just too hot. Either way, I needed to calm down. I balled my fists and repeatedly counted to five, giving my mind a break. I knew I could do this. Heck, I had once jumped out of a plane. This was child's play compared to that.

If I turned around and left now, I would give up too quickly, so I grabbed the door handle and twisted it. To avoid giving myself time to process, I walked in quickly. On cue, my father raised his head to stare at me with a questioning look.

"Eager to see me?" He asks smugly.

"Yes. Very eager to tell you to go fuck yourself," I respond venomously with a grin. My boldness confounds him, and I give myself a mental high five. I need to keep up with this momentum.

Deciding I wouldn't give him any time to recover, I delivered the second blow, "I do not hate you. And I do not hate myself because I've realised it's never been my fault. There was nothing ever wrong with me. You were just a monster without reasonable cause."

I paused to choose the right words as I continued. "Do not think I did not give you the benefit of the doubt. I considered everything. I even wondered if this was a revenge campaign against my mother for something she might have said to your beloved deceased wife. I searched for different reasons so that I could justify your actions. But in the end, I realised nothing warranted what you did."

He props his elbows on the table before resting his chin on his intertwined hands. A small smile rests on his lips, and his eyes light up with amusement. "And you've come to fight me over it?"

I scoff at his smug expression. "No. I have no intention of fighting you. I wanted you to know that despite being an emotionally abusive piece of shit father, I still love you. You were not there to comfort me. Instead, you gave me my biggest wounds. But still, I forgive you, and I love you. Do not mess up with Zarah. She doesn't deserve it."

I cringe at myself as tears begin cascading down my cheeks. This was supposed to go a whole different direction. I wasn't supposed to tell this pathetic man I loved or forgive him. I was supposed to call him an asshole and leave. Without another look, I exit the room and run towards the car.

As I drove home, my chest rose and fell violently. I drove slowly as I haphazardly wiped my blurry eyes. I sobbed uncontrollably throughout the drive, and I knew I shouldn't be driving in such a condition, but I needed to go to him. I needed my safety net. As I arrived, I ran into the house, forgetting to lock the car. It would have to wait.

I yanked the door to his bedroom open and ran straight into his arms. The phone he had pressed to his ear fell into the ground with a thud, but he ignored it and wrapped his arms around me. I cried louder as he hushed me, gently patting my head.

He moved us over to the couch, placing me on his lap. I instantly buried my head into his chest and cuddled into him, his familiar warmth calming me. He did not speak, just hugged me to him, occasionally placing a kiss on the top of my head. He would wait until I was ready to talk, for now, all I needed was his touch.

But as much as it felt good, it also felt pathetic. I felt weak. I didn't feel like a strong woman. I couldn't deal with my emotions on my own. I burdened Ibrahim with them. I choked back another sob at this realisation.

"I'm sorry," I managed to croak out.

"Sorry? For what?" He asks, angst lacing his tone.

"Burdening you," I state. "You shouldn't have to deal-" he cuts me off sharply, pulling me up and cupping my face. He holds my head so I look directly into his glaring eyes.

"Have I ever called you a burden? Do I not beg you to come to me?" He asks bluntly, and I nod wordlessly.

His face morphs in annoyance, "Use your words and answer me, Fatima. Tell me if I've ever said anything even remotely close to that."

"You haven't. But.."

"But? Get those silly thoughts out of your head. Tell them to get lost," he replies, flicking my forehead.

"Oww," I yelp.

"Don't you think your brain deserves that?" He asks.

"Just a little," I respond sheepishly.

He rubs my forehead as I pout. "I hate that I can't handle these things on my own. I constantly run to you to help regulate my emotions."

"There's nothing wrong with running to me, Fatima. I asked you to. I want you to depend on me freely. But I understand how it makes you feel inadequate. We can work on that. We can find methods to help you better manage these situations. You'll get to a place where you can successfully navigate and process your emotions calmly. But for now, hold on to me and tell me what's wrong," he says.

"I went to see my dad. And instead of cussing him out, I ended up telling him I loved and forgave him," I respond, falling back into his chest.

He gave my arm a gentle squeeze. "That's okay. It was the right thing to do. You forgave him because you are better than him. And you told him you loved him because you do, regardless of everything. You continue to prove that you are above him. You did not allow the hurt he caused to control you or change you. Instead, you grew and learnt from it."

"It does not mean you will let him back into your life or give him any significance. It means you will no longer live with hate in your heart. You're letting go and setting yourself free," he adds, pecking my forehead.

"Setting myself free," I whisper, letting out a breath.

Admittedly I felt lighter, healthier, and happier. And it all started with this beautiful human who had me cradled in his lap. I raise my head and stare at him excitedly, and he presents a questioning brow. "I finally figured it all out," I yell. His eyes widen at the decibel of my voice.

"Figured what out?" He asks.

"The reason I love you," I answer.

He tilts his head and gives me a blank stare before questioning the statement. "Just now? It never occurred to you all these months?" It's the face, right?" He asks jokingly, and I giggle.

"No, silly. It's because you're the only one who has ever been this considerate of me. The only one who knows the right thing to say every time. The only one who has done this much for me. The only one who loves me like this," I reply.

"If anyone else loved you like this, we'd have to fight," he says, giving me an Eskimo kiss. I smile at him, and he gives me an equally toothy grin.

"I love you," I yell, staring intensely into his eyes.

He wraps his hands around my waist and glances at me, and the moment feels as if the world had stopped dead in its tracks before he leans forward and presses a kiss to my lips. I'd never thought something so minute could have the most profound impact.

"I love you more than you could ever imagine, Bambina," he responded. I smiled at his words and sighed contently. I still had a long way to go, but I knew at this moment that I would make it. I am not weak. I am not pathetic. I am strong.

The End.
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*Sobs quietly in the dark corner she's writing this in*.