The Silent Desire

Chapter II - Actions and Consequences

Humans are said to be rational beings. We can analyze complex situations, and use our memory, and experience of the past to either replicate or avoid certain actions or in some cases, mistakes. That's right, if there is one important distinction between us and animals, is the ability to quickly adapt to any situation.

If one looks at how many ecosystems work, one will find that many of the same species of animals or plants have different subspecies or variations inside of them. For example, why do we have Arctic, Desert, and European species of rabbits? Why did evolution lead to the subdivision of what we call a "common rabbit" to many different species of rabbits?

The Answer is simple - adaptability. It's not the most intelligent, strongest, quickest, or someone with other specific superior abilities that survives, but rather the one who can adapt. This is how I survived the white room as well. If you looked at my scores, you would have found that I was never at the top, instead, I built my way to the top.

In the same way, evolution deemed that for a rabbit to adapt to certain climates and natural conditions, it must therefore adapt its own body and senses to maximize the chances of survival.

Natural-born geniuses and prodigies were irrelevant in a place that wanted to create an artificial genius from mediocre abilities. It did not matter how smarter or stronger someone was compared to me. Instead, what mattered was my ability to adapt and consistently improve over and over, trial by trial. This is how I defeated Yuki at swimming and this is why Shiro in the end lost as well.

They never pushed themselves to the full potential of their abilities. Yuki was a weak-minded individual who put unnecessary attention to irrelevant things such as friendship in a place designed for individual battles. She did not lose the fight with the white room, but instead, she lost a fight with herself.

Yuki sabotaged her ability to progress by attaching her mind to me, or rather an idea of friendship with me. The moment it happened was not important, but rather how would Yuki react to such an important implication.

She decided to let the cancer grow until at one point she was devoured by it, her mind was lost to a sea of abyss where the only shining light was the delusional fabrication of a person called Ayanokouji Kiyotaka. Yuki lost because she could not adapt.

Shiro lost because he decided that he had lost. I remember him saying that he wanted to drop out because he had achieved his full potential and there was no further progress in sight for him. To this day, I still cannot stop myself from questioning his words.

'Is it possible that Shiro achieved the maximum output possible from his mind and body? Is there even such a number, or a line that once a person reaches, they cannot cross no matter what? If so, have I also reached a point where I cannot further improve myself?'

I don't know, maybe I will find such a limit in the future, or maybe I will not. In the grand scheme of things, it does not matter. Shiro was the second-best of the 4th generation. At some point, his desire to become better, and his ability to progress plateaued, most likely not because he reached the so-called theoretical peak of his abilities, but rather because he did not want to adapt further. Before dropping out, Shiro expressed his desire of living in the outside world and experiencing many things I have the opportunity of witnessing now.

What if such desire in Shiro never appeared? Did he experience such desire because he could not improve further or was it the opposite, did he not improve his abilities further, because he experienced a desire for freedom in the first place?

It was a question I could not answer and it irked me. Rarely did I find myself not being able to answer a simple question. Even in the case of emotions, I was able to understand and manipulate them. I only had difficulties understanding my feelings and expressing them. But now was a case where I genuinely could not understand and answer a problem in front of me.