The Silent Desire

Chapter VII - The Silence of Love

"Do you think change is a natural phenomenon or something one must actively strive for to happen, Father?"

My sudden question caused him to turn his sharp glare at me and raise his brows. No matter how many years passed, or how many times I met him, even though those meetings were few and far between, Atsuomi Ayanokouji was the glaring product of stagnancy.

I had some ideas about my father's ambitions and goals. I knew he actively strived for them and trampled anyone and anything standing in his way, but even such a determined mindset did not make a dent in the persona of Atsuomi Ayanokouji. While he progressed, grew, and adapted necessarily to his immediate environment, the rotten core of him was the same - idle and lifeless.

My newly appointed butler Matsuo was lightly leaning against the golden-colored metal gate looking at me curiously. Behind us a towering mansion stood, spreading an overpowering and isolating aura around us.

If one knew the personality of that man, it could be easily deduced that such a lonely-looking and isolated mansion could have easily been purchased by him. As a piece of a big puzzle, personality, and taste met each other and created my new home for the duration until the White Room's operation continued once again, or at least that's how I thought at that moment.

"Not for a second delude yourself Kiyotaka and think that I did not see through the true meaning of your question.", his sharp response was even frostier than his glare, but unlike Matsuo who was trembling slightly, I was not affected. It was oddly comforting, to know that no matter what, this man would always be a monstrous, unyielding, and uncompassionate thing standing in front of me. If one day we had a confrontation, I would be able to rely on his nature to predict what words he would say and what actions he would take.

"I am only curious, nothing more. Besides, this might be the last time we talk for a while."

Turning around, soft clacks on the pavement followed his movements. There was a black sedan, with no serial number positioned in front of the mansion's entrance. I thought this would be the end of our short conversation, but before going in the car, he turned around and in a controlled voice addressed me:

"Natural phenomena might try to break or mold us into a different person. That change can be both positive or negative, maybe even neutral, inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. In the end, you have to be an accomplice to that change, so that it slowly takes place to become permanent. If you never allow yourself to desire change, you will always stay the same, no matter how much outside factors try to influence you".

Without saying a proper goodbye, he immediately got into the car and deftly disappeared from my view, leaving me and Matsuo behind in the cold and silent entrance of the mansion. To say I was surprised would be an understatement. I never expected him to properly answer my question and on top of that to give me a piece of advice?! Perhaps, his heart was not as stone-dead as I suspected? What a ridiculous thought.

Still, even after a year, those words had not left me, I could consider them my main motivator for the change I was experiencing, or at least was trying to experience. Kushida's threat on the rooftop, Horikita's brash and annoying attitude, and Chabashira's indirect attempts at manipulating me were the dominant factors that altered my plans for this school and made me actively seek that man's advice.

I did not know if a broken person like me could even be influenced by outside factors, and even if I was, even if something cracked my shell, would I allow the change to happen and take place in me indefinitely and conclusively? That was my current dilemma, a big hornet's nest I had blindly stuck my hand into. I could only hope that I would not get stung too many times.