The Silent Desire

A/N

Usually, I am not a fan of either reading or doing Author Notes, and my dear readers do not expect me to do this frequently. Most likely, this will be the only time I do something like this, so I won't waste your time and get to the point quickly.

If you are reading this, I will take into consideration that you have most likely read the already published five chapters of the story. If you have not, please go back and read them first. Without having a proper understanding of the story, this A/N might not even make sense. Anyway, let's get to the main points of the A/N.

1) What is the real premise of the fic?

I think the story description gives out a clear answer. I am writing a story in which Kiyotaka is trying to break away from his shell of White Room. More implicitly, he is trying to build and develop into a person, someone that is not taking on a facade and also not in Minecraft hardcore mode 24/7.

2) What am I trying to achieve with Kiyotaka's character?

Nothing. The only person with desires and goals here is Kiyotaka. This is an important point to understand. It is not me who decided what actions Kiyo will take or what thoughts he will have. The main character, the narrator, and the person telling the story is not me but Kiyotaka himself.

What I mean is that I will not be in any way influencing Kiyo's character growth. I have read many stories that forcefully make Kiyotaka act in a very unnatural way that is not in character for him at all. While such stories are very fun to read and explore a different side of our favorite character, here I will try to keep Kiyotaka as close to his light novel persona as possible, while at the same time making sure to alter his mindset and progress him in different ways.

If you have noticed, I have not once changed the PoV to another character in the story. This is intentional. The only person narrating throughout the story will be Kiyo himself. Therefore expect that not everything he says will be objectively true. Kiyotaka is a person with his thoughts and judgments. Unlike me, the author here, he is not a reliable narrator.

3) Why has Kiyotaka suddenly become so assertive? What are his intentions? Why did he expel Kushida Kikyou?

Kiyotaka has become more confident and straightforward in using his ability because he has no real reason not to do so. Meeting with Kushida has given him a new perspective on life and by questioning the contradictory actions and desires, he decided that the only way to not further damage his sanity is to be at least partially true to himself.

Kiyotaka's intentions have not, for now, changed.  Kushida's sudden expulsion made him realize how fragile his freedom is and how difficult it will be to stay in school for the next three years. Therefore, he wants to show at least some of his abilities to make sure that his class will have his back and the other classes will stay wary of him. In other words, his desire for freedom is even stronger than his desire for a peaceful life. There is also the fact, that he still wants to be defeated, but if this mindset will stay the same or not depends on how he further develops throughout the story.

And lastly, Kiyotaka's intention was not to expel Kushida, but rather to frighten her. If he wanted to truly ruin her life at school, he could have posted the whole video on the school forum and socially destroyed Kushida for the next three years. Instead, he sent the video to the teachers to make them aware of Kushida's troublesome state of mind. At most, he wanted her to be suspended and scared of him(ties with the last point of showcasing strength), but Horikita Manabu's involvement as Kiyo has already deduced, altered such outcome and she was instead expelled. 

4) What will happen with Sudo? What are my intentions with him?

Just like with Kiyotaka, I am not going to alter Sudo to suit my whims. He will develop just like in the light novel, albeit faster, due to Kiyo's direct influence. My intention with him is to make him the main supporting character for the story. Sudo will be Kiyotaka's right-hand man and main ally that will help him both directly and from the shadows. Anything further would be a spoiler, so I will stop here.

5) And finally, will there be a romantic partner for Kiyotaka?

The question depends on what Kiyotaka wants. So far, he has made it very much clear that he wants to achieve a peaceful life, but instead of doing it by acting like a background gloomy character, he is fully focused on truly integrating with his classmates. He wants to learn and experience what an average high schooler's life is like. An average high schooler is not isolated, socially stunted, and a perverted character. Kiyotaka realized this both on the rooftop after talking with Kushida and by observing how Horikita, Ike, and Yamauchi act compared to his other classmates.

To put it short, currently, his definition of peaceful life has changed. He has never thought of abandoning it, but instead altered it to suit his current situation more properly. By slowly exposing his intelligence and abilities, Kiyo wants to have better relationships with his classmates. He wants to have friends that don't threaten, abuse, and use him for selfish reasons like Chabashira and Horikita have done. He wants to have his personal friend group and experience activities that normal friends usually engage in.

Now how does this tie to the above question? Well, Kiyotaka has already shown that he wants to learn what friendship is through Sudo. He will slowly expand his group and include other people whom he will deem good enough to build proper relationships with. All of this is because he considers friendship a basic necessity of high school experience. Thus, he also thinks that dating and falling in love are very important parts of the said experience.

The problem is that Kiyotaka does not know what love is. He has most likely never even loved or viewed himself in a positive light. He is lacking the basic foundations that are necessary to understand the concept of dating and romantic relationships. This is why he first took a step toward understanding friendship. He has three years to experience everything that the white room had denied him. Kiyotaka is in no rush, once he has formed proper relationships with other people and feels comfortable in his understanding of friendship, he will find a suitable romantic partner.

When will this happen or who will he choose depends on Kiyotaka himself. I do not favor any Cote girl over the other. Even though I have personal preferences, I will once again mention that I am not trying to self-insert myself and force Kiyotaka to be the person I want him to be. Only he will decide on a potential romantic partner according to how quickly and efficiently he develops throughout the story.

P.S. For those who missed it, the reason why Horikita is limping is that Kiyotaka was never there to stop Manabu from beating her. Let's say he had much bigger trouble, like Kushida's blackmail to focus on. Whether Kiyotaka understood what happened to Horikita that night will be shown in the next chapters.

P.P.S. I might take a break and not write a chapter tomorrow. Not going to lie, writing and editing so many chapters in less than three days has definitely fried my brain. I am not used to it, at all.

This is all for now. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask me here.