One Of The Girls

{9}

Tonight was yet another night of agony. Much like many had predicted, BigHit streamed one of Jungkook's concerts live on WeVerse. Right now Taehyung was too immersed in watching it with a deadly grip on the bottle of whiskey he had to think about anything other than the woman he had kept his eyes on.

The bags underneath his eyes were severely dark, making him look close to a corpse because of how his usual caramel-toned skin turned dull and pale. His eyes were melancholy, a mix of loneliness and anger in the dark clouds of his eyes as his star shined on stage without him there to be by her side.

Taehyung originally thought that watching the online concert would be stupid. He wasn't into Jungkook's music at all and it would be painful to see her in real-time since it was live streaming. It would give his heart that sense of familiarity and solace from afar like he was there watching her dance on stage.

Much like how he looked, he felt dead inside and the constant clash of anger and happiness inside of him as he watched her perform was starting to make his head pound and his body shake. On one end, he was happy to see her smile, even if it was on a screen, he felt like he was there with her, and her outfit, much like the other dancers, was stunning.

He couldn't pull his eyes away even for a second. But on the other end, he was boiling with rage. At the world, at himself, at her. Why did she have to have such a grip on him to where he felt dead without her? Why did the world have to curse him like this? Why couldn't he just move on from loving her because they weren't meant to be? There was no saving this...

But he still watched, he took every one of her smiles to heart, and he reminisced of when she was on stage with him just to feel a bit better because the whiskey wasn't doing much to help him cope. And then all that anger and hurt spiraled out of him in one burst. He couldn't handle those smiles because she no longer looked at him that way.

His heart couldn't take looking at her eyes and how they gleamed with happiness because he knew she felt nothing for him anymore. In one second, the bubble of emotions burst and now the TV is broken, on the floor along with the shards of the whiskey bottle that was thrown full force.

It was truly over and as a stubborn person, he hated that he gave up. Even if she hated him for it, he should've tried. He should've gone after her, made her stay, given her whatever she liked just to see that adoration in her eyes again. He should've bought her her favorite flowers, sang to her, and made a special song just so she could listen to it and no one else could.

He sobs underneath his bedsheets, thinking of all the ways he should have treated her better. How he should've abandoned his original intentions at the first sight of her. Or better yet, never even thought of anything like that. He wished he was a different man, he tried to be even though drinking was still an issue. Taehyung could only think of her now, see her on a screen instead of seeing her in front of him.

Having to lean down just for a kiss because of their significant height difference, or hold her tiny waist that his hands perfectly covered completely. It made him sick to his stomach. He could no longer experience those things, or experience her anymore because of the things he did.

All these emotions were desperate to get out, and after another hour-long shower, Taehyung calmed down and sat in his studio. As he logged on to Instagram on his desktop computer, he scrolled on his feed for inspiration. For months he hadn't been able to write a single line, and he wasn't quite sure why, but he was in a writing mood.

Of course, the inspiration being her, since that's all he could think about anyway, he closes the app and gets to writing on his notepad, opening up his recording app and turning on the microphone he pulled over to be in front of him. Once he puts on his headphones and grabs a pen, words fall out onto paper as fast as rustling leaves blowing in the wind.