Somewhere In Between

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Somewhere in between January I started snapping you everyday, we became really good friends and would call and make fun of each other all the time, somewhere in between that we grew a friendship but in my eyes I wanted more than that. Somewhere in between February my best friend let it slip. I liked you, you felt the same. I don't think I ever felt so happy ever in my life. We talked every night and everyday. We became first on each other's best friends lists. You became the first person I opened my phone to everyday. February 14th 2023 you and I hung out for the first time, it was the best day ever. I loved being around you the way you smiled at every joke I made. The way your Adam's apple popped up when you leaned ur head back i just loved everything about you from then on. You asked me to be your girlfriend that same night. I recorded my reaction to it. The smile I had in that video perfectly displayed the joy I felt in that moment. I wish everything stayed that way. Somewhere in between March i fell out with my same best friend that got us together and I lost my other best friend. It was the hardest time of my life, I had never felt so alone in my life. I wanted nothing more than to have them back in my life, but even in my loneliest moments I had you and for me that was enough. We hung out everyday of every week, you made me happy in my lowest moments. I was truly so in love. On my last day me and you were together. I held in tears when we hugged goodbye. March 9th I left for my two week trip to turkey. I was a mess. I didn't know how I would cope without seeing you for two weeks. We texted the whole time I was at the airport. You waited for me to get on my plane and you stayed up 9 hours longer just to see if I landed safely and so you could say goodnight. That was when I started to realize I was so deeply in love with you. I thought about you through my whole plane ride and throughout my whole trip. March 17th I saw you again for the first time in two weeks. I hugged you as hard as I could the second you stepped out the door. I was truly so happy to see you. But somewhere in between April everything went wrong. We started to argue a lot. It was almost an everyday thing but it always ended with us saying goodnight I love you. You told me one night that if we got in an argument and i didn't say goodnight I love you that you would be mad the whole day. I wish I listened. In April we did something I could never take back and I didn't regret it at all then because it was with you and I loved you. After we did that i thought we would be closer, i was wrong we slowly started to drift but i was trying everything i could to not let that happen. Somewhere in between May I started to realize you were losing feelings and I was trying everything I could to not let it happen. May 8th I found you texting other girls and I cried. I cried in front of you and you apologized to me and you said you loved me. And I believed you. After that day we didn't hangout again. If I knew that was the last time I would have seen you I would have hugged you harder, I asked you to hangout a week later and you told me that maybe we could next Friday. So I did not hangout with anyone that whole week all in hopes of seeing you. I looked forward to it more than anything the night before we were on call and fell asleep together and you said goodnight i love you. The next day you broke up with me because you said you lost feelings. My whole world fell apart the second I read that. When did you lose feelings? How did you lose feelings? Did you lose feelings today? Did you actually love me last night? My head flooded with all these questions but I couldn't ask. I just broke down. I cried the whole night. My heart was shattered. I could physically feel it ache. I wanted to throw up. I checked your story that same night and you were doing so well, you made sure everyone knew you were single 8 minutes after the break up. 8 minutes. All I could think was did it mean nothing to you? Did I mean so little you could just forget us in 8 minutes. The next morning I went to school a complete mess. I cried the whole day. I couldn't stay in a single class without breaking down. That was the hold you had on me. That day I tried to text you about getting back together. I tried everything but you shut me out. You let it be known that you didn't want this anymore but what shocked me the most was when you told me you had originally lost feelings a week ago. You lead me on for a whole 2 weeks. And I guess part of me knew you were leading me on then but I was so in love with you it didn't matter to me. I just wanted you and if that meant you didn't want me but would talk to me I would take it. The fifth day was the hardest. When I saw you post her I wanted to die. I kept my cool but inside I was losing it. Of course you went back to her. You had always told me not to worry about her obviously there was something to hide. That whole week I watched your every story, looked at when you were last active and cried over you leaving me delivered when you were active. The next week came and I slowly started to stop checking over your every move. I stopped stalking you stories and I stopped viewing your location every 5 minutes. Somewhere in between now and then I started to heal.

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