My Unsaid Thoughts

Healing

Almost been a month since the break up I can't tell if I'm over it or not, sometimes ill catch myself all happy and think I've moved on. And then the smallest things will remind me of you and ill completely lose myself again. I don't know why it's been so hard to forget you. I mean it was so easy for you, why can't it be like that for me? Even though now I tell my friends I'm over you and that I "hate" you even they know I'm lying. I don't know why but I feel like we were meant to last. And it's pathetic I know, but I still love you as much as I did before. And I would do anything to just get back to you. Even if it means I have to deal with her. I know I told you I wasn't threatened by her. But come on can you even blame me? You and her were so in love with each other while were still together. And I sat back and just observed. Why did you commit to me if you knew before this wouldn't work? Do you just like messing with me? I can sit here and still blame you for just not being able to reciprocate the same feelings anymore, but I know it's not your fault. I just wish you knew how much I sacrificed for you. I betrayed my parent's trust for you. I let myself drift from my friends for you. I let you text other girls as long as you would still look at me. I gave you my purity I can't even take that one back. I thought the initial attachment was from me giving you my purity but if that's the case why aren't you like this? Or maybe you're better at hiding it than me. Or maybe I'm just being delusional. Every time I try to talk to another boy, you just slip through my head. How am I ever gonna be able to get over you man I could write a whole book on us and why we should've been. But I need to heal. If that will ever happen.