Black and White Hearts

Chapter 18: When the Party's over

Sadie has her eyes closed while she has her AirPods in her ears, her knees being up and her arms wrapped around her legs, her being in a light blue oversized long sleeved T shirt that comes to her mid thigh with some simple night shorts underneath, her long hair being down her back with a little ponytail behind her head as well, her head being leaned on her knees.

She scrolls through her Instagram while Billie Ellish plays loudly in her ears, specifically her slow songs and angelic voice. Sadie just takes this moment to be alone in the hair and makeup room, it already being midnight and this being the last scene that her and Caleb have to film before they are able to go back to the hotel and go to sleep.

She just stares aimlessly ahead of her while going to turn her phone screen off and lay her chin against her knees, when the party's over by Billie Ellish beginning to play in her ears loudly making her close her eyes. She just takes a very deep breath while listening to the song. Before the song was good but she never really understood the lyrics until now.

Don't you know I'm no good for you
I've learned to loose you can't afford to.
Tore my shirt to stop you bleedin'
But nothing ever stops you leavin'

It is a powerful verse, the verse admitting the girl is admitting or accepting the fact that she is not good enough for her lover, and that she has learnt to have them around on and off with no pattern.

Quiet when I'm coming and I'm on my own
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that

The beautiful chorus that she sings in her angelic voice, the girl saying that when she comes home, or in her own residence, in her own room. Even though she might not be persay 'alone' no one is there, and she is lying to herself saying that she prefers it with her lover not being around, or not having one at all.

Don't you know to much already?
I'll only hurt you if you let me.
Call me friend but keep me closer (call me back)
And I'll call you when the party's over.

The girl feels as if her lover already knows to much about her, knows her to well to where she is not able to hide anything from him without him already knowing, even if he doesn't say anything. The girl fears that she will only hurt him if he lets her, maybe if they get to close, or try to make it into something that it truly isn't all along.

Call me friend but keep me closer.

She doesn't know why but this specific saying and verse speaks the most to Sadie. She derives at the fact that it means to the fact that neither the lover or the girl don't want to be in a relationship or they try and hide away from having a relationship but at the same time they cannot be just friends either because they care heavily for each other more than friend do, it isn't a normal friend relationship.

And I'll call you when the party's over.

Sadie derives at the fact this probably means that in public the lover and the girl pretend nothing is going on between them, but after public events or when parties are over they go to each other to meet up at a private place, a place where they won't be seen.

But nothing is better sometimes
Once we both said our goodbyes.
Let's just let it go
Let me let you go.

The part that makes Sadie close her eyes and make her take a heavy little breath. The part where Sadie is most likely sure that the girl is begging the lover to let the relationship go, maybe because they are making it something into something it is not even though strong feelings are there, or maybe the fact it hurts more than it should, and other things surrounding than the situation then the typical thing.