Pain, suffering, and Jesus / Tom Koulitz

"FEELINGS"

-TOM POV-

It's hard to look at her as she suffers from pain. I know it's tough for her to live on after everything that's happened to her, but I can't let her give up. I need her. I know I'll be able to help her, and she'll feel much better. I could choose anyone else, but still, I chose her. I don't care what those idiots did to her, and it won't stop me. It wasn't her fault what happened to her. Not she chose it, and it was against her will. I stared at her sleeping body. Her beautiful nose, her eyes and lips were so perfect. Her piercing looks so good on her.

"You're so beautiful, Maria. I'm so glad that I have met you." I whispered. She started grunting and slept restlessly. I know it's some nightmare again that she's seeing right now. I don't want to wake her up because she just fell asleep, but I don't want her to see the nightmare that happened to her again. I don't know what to do. She squeezed my hand tightly, and I could see a tear running down. I won't let her suffer again, no matter that it's a nightmare, and I decided to wake her up.

"Hey, Maria. It's okay." I was speaking softly and waking her up. "No, don't! get off of me." She said. I know it wasn't for me. "Maria, wake up," I said a little louder so she would wake up. Finally, she opened her eyes. "Tom, I'm scared." She said and started to cry. I felt her pain and suffering. It made my heart shrink because I made her suffer. I know it's not my fault, but seeing how much she suffers makes me feel guilty. But I can't let her hurt herself. She's strong and will get over it with all my help.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry." I tried to calm her down with the fact that I almost started to cry. It hurts me to see her like that, but I have to be strong for her. "I didn't mean to make you suffer this much, but I didn't want to lose you." I felt tears draining down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them off, so Maria wouldn't see them. Not that I'm ashamed of it quite the other way. As I said, I don't want her to know that it hurts me how much she suffers.

"Can I lie down next to you?" I asked so she would feel safe. She didn't say anything and just nodded. I lay down next to her and hugged her. "You're safe," I said, trying not to cry. "You're safe," I said again. She calmed down and almost fell asleep again when she suddenly said. "Tom?" She asked for me. "Yes?" I answer. "It's not your fault." She said and fell asleep. I felt much better after what she said, but that doesn't change the fact that I kept her alive and didn't let her end her life. She felt much better and slept more calmly. After a while, I fell asleep myself.

A few hours later.

I woke up from some noise. The first thing I looked at was Maria. She wasn't next to me, and I got up quickly. "Maria?" I said loud. "Yeah?" She answered from the bathroom. "Oh God, I thought... never mind," I said and sat on the bed. "What happened?" She asked, coming out of the bathroom. "Nothing special. How do you feel?" I asked and smiled at her.

She climbed into bed and lay down. "It's better, but the ribs are still hurting," she said. "I need you to promise me something," I said while lying next to her and looking at her. Her smile slowly began to disappear. "What is it?" She asked. "You have to promise me when I will be gone you have to stay here and wait for me," I said. "Tom..." I didn't let her finish. "Please, Maria. I need you to promise me that." I said.

"Tom, I promise, but where are you going?" She asked, worried. "For tea," I said, and she started laughing. "What's so funny?" I asked while getting up. "It's nothing." She continues to laugh. "Doesn't look like. Is there anything you want from the cafeteria?" I asked. "No, thank you." She said after she stopped laughing. "You're crazy," I said and smiled.

She looked even prettier laughing. Her laughter was like honey. I'd never heard a laugh like that. Every time I fall in love with her more and more, I have to be patient. I can't put my feelings on top at once. She needs to heal, and it will take time. "What? Why are you staring at me like this?" She asked in a giggling voice. "It's nothing," I said and looked for my wallet. "I know you like me." She tried to tease me. "Well, it's too bad because you like me too." I tried to tease her back.