(Fu Xuan x Reader) Trouble With Divination

Part 5: The Fantasy

(Fu Xuan POV, directly after Part 4)

My footsteps felt heavy, the clack of my shoes was deafening against the tile floor. Even though the floor was dry, it was raining. 

It took a long time, way too long but eventually I reached that wooden door once again. The door which once taunted me and threatened to tease me into pieces, now felt like my salvation.

What happened many moments ago replayed in my mind:

"We'd be delighted to have you, diviner Fu."

...

I was in a mild state of, shock? No, it was closer to a strong dissatisfaction. I'm sure it was apparent on my face.

"W- What's wrong diviner Fu?"

Didn't I tell you to just call me, 'Fu,' when we're not working?

"Ah, that's right... diviner Fu."

...

He had rejected me. Strangely enough, I wasn't sad, only disappointed. Incredibly so. I turned to Qingque trying to hide it from maintainer, but as a result she noticed and tried to cheer me up. 

"Can I call you just Fu when were off work as wel-"

No.

"But whyy--!! Why can the maintainer, but not me~~??"

W- Well...

Qingque threw me a lifeline, and I turned to face maintainer again, desperate to at least hear out why he refused my attempt to get closer.

"Why don't we get started with the game, diviner Qingque?"

But her attempt was in vain, once again rejected. Perhaps he didn't understand what I meant by my words, it wouldn't be the first time.

...It wasn't supposed to be this way, in the divination he was much more-

***

-I stumbled into the wooden door, which dragged me back to the present: Bailu's pharmacy. The smell of tea and the scent of minty, bitter medicines invaded my nose,

Bailu? High Elder Bailu?

My voice was raspy, softer than I had intended. It was so, so hard to speak.

Silence returned. She wasn't here. I could feel my hand begin to tremble, shaking, cold with sweat. 

Until a familiar, deep voice returned from deep within the shop, diminished from the distance.

"Hmm? Fu? Did you have an appointment with Bailu?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't muster the energy- or will- to answer. I just walked toward it, but it became harder with each, and every, step. It took a while but I eventually reached it.

The man was resting in the central garden behind the shop, laying on a seat peering up at the sky. His silver-white mane ran down his shoulders, his face: not a single care in the world, munching on sweetmeats with a case of candies at his side. The Dozing General of the Luofu, Jing Yuan- my archrival.

Jing...

A mutter escaped my mouth. His eyes turned to me, before looking slightly distressed. He sat up before opening his mouth,

"Fu? Is something up?"

Kind of, is Bailu here?

"She was, but went out to get a refill on her tea leaves. She's gone to the Eastern Starskiff Haven, won't be back for an hour."

I see...

"Is something wrong?"

He stared straight at me from his seat, a worried frown on his face. How unfitting of my arch-rival. If it were me I'd have made fun of him, but perhaps this was why he was the general.

I don't know.

I felt my voice tremble.

"I could lend you an ear, if you're willing."

What more could go wrong? I grabbed a seat from inside the pharmacy and brought it out, taking a seat next to him. I took a skewer of sweetmeat, not bothering to ask for permission.

So basically, we had a new maintainer...

I recounted everything once again, in more detail than I had with Bailu, mostly about how I felt. 

I don't understand why he- It wasn't supposed to be to this way.

"I understand the situation."

Jing yuan turned his gaze to the ground, seemingly in deep thought. 

Is it possible he didn't understand?

"No, I know which maintainer you're referring to. He used to work on the jade abacuses in the Sky-faring commission. A talented and clever lad he is. Even if he didn't consciously understand it, I'm sure he at least understood you were trying to get closer."

...Then why?

I still wasn't sad, I didn't feel sad. Only a vague but strong disappointment loomed deep in my chest as I spoke about maintainer.

"I have a question- no- a test for you, Fu Xuan. Think about maintainer, imagine his face."

I nodded, closing my eyes, his face very vivid in my mind.

"Where is he?"

In the hall from the divination... 

It was an image of his face from when I divined our- his future.

"Is that it?"

What was that question supposed to mean? I nodded.

"His favorite food?"

I shook my head, he never told me.

"Favorite spot in the Luofu? Sport?"

I kept shaking my head, he's never told me any of this.

"...So then, what is it exactly that you like about him?"

...

I didn't know. No, I understood what the general was trying to get at since his first question. I'd been clinging to a fantasy, expecting the maintainer to be the same one from the divination. Expecting him to be someone perfect when I, as someone who holds the title of 'Master Diviner,' should've known better than to trust a personal divination, but I just kept clinging. I just wanted someone, anyone.

I was ashamed. I averted my eyes away from the general's, staring at the ground.

"Well, that's not to say he isn't at fault himself too. A bit of an asshole move on his part, holding a cute girl at arms length."

He tried his best to sound cheery, throwing an empty compliment having felt my mood suffer even more in the realization.

Jing, have you ever been in love before?

"...Yeah. Still am, probably."

How'd it go?

"She... has gone somewhere I'll never be able to reach."

I see.

He didn't try to recover the mood this time. I could hear him stand up and walk toward me, but I couldn't bear to look at him then, out of shame. He put his hand on my shoulder. It was heavy.

"Make sure you don't have any regrets."

In slow motions, he returned to his seat, his gaze back to the sky. 

...